Old and New Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. Can you give me a drink of water? asks the Texan.

Of course, says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come in.

What do you do? says the Texan.I raise a few chickens, says the Israeli.

Really? says the Texan. Im also a farmer. How much land do you have?

Well, says the Israeli, out front its fifty meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to a hundred meters of property. And what about your place?

Well, says the Texan, on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive…and I dont reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime.

Really, replies the Israeli. I used to have a car like that.

You know who built the other hemi.

Your car stereo costs more than your car.

Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.

Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

Your wife uses a photo of Tammy Faye as a makeup application guide.

Your wife has more children than teeth.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

When you walk your dog you both use the same tree.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

Your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

You go to the family reunion to pickup women.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, Sir, is that a U-boat?

No, he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldnt figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldnt understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.



The boy said to his friend, My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

Drews Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Youre so ugly, your mom has to tie a steak around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

1. Your family secretly tells you theyre taking to you to Disneyland, but for some odd reason they blindfold you for the whole ride, and when they take it off the blindfold your at a psychiartirst. You start having complex dreams about Youthink and the members.

2. You start comparing your friends to the members on the site.

3. While buying lotto tickets, you have a list of your favorite members birthdays.

4. You start remembering passages out of your term papers so that you can use them in an argument here.

5. Whenever you hear a question, you wonder if you can add it here.

6. You skipped a party with your friends so you could stay on here, drink a bottle on vodka, and pretend you are drinking with other members.

7. You start to mention this site and quoting what other members said on a thread at parties or when you get together with family/friends.

8. Its 2:30 am on a school night, and you tell yourself just five more minutes and 2 hours later you are still here.

9. Youre late to work everyday becuase you lost track of time on here.

10.When you have a crush on a YT member that youve never seen before.

11. You start buying girfts for every member on the birthday page.

12. When you walk past the computer, you automatically log on to Youthink and see whats going on.

13. While you are away from Youthink, all you can really think about is what you are missing.

14. You tell your self that you will stop comming here less and less, but find your self being on here much more than you were before.

15. When you think about this site not being on the internet anymore you get really depressed and start to cry.

16. The first thing you do when you get home is log on.

17. You wont talk to any of the newbies becuase you are mad at them for taking all of the fun.

18. You start calling Youthink your second home.

19. You start having complex dreams about Youthink and the members.

20. The only reason you pay your intern

You might be a redneck if…
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.