They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. Well, said the American, I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here. Thats amazing! said the one of the doctors, But what happened to the other two? Last I saw them, replied the American, the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, How should I know, thats 200 miles from here! and hung up.
The husband said, Who was that?
The wife said, I dont know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus wont harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
What army really means…
A rent
R eady for
M arines
Y et
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
The first one was about 4 years ago, in the bank, a guy stealed a check for about $50,000,000.00 mexican pesos (about USD $25,000.00 in that time) from another guy who was in the line.
Two police officers started to chase him, and when the guy realized that he will never get to collect the check, he ate it. The police had to release him as they didnt had any evidence of the crime. (The guy was in front of me in the line so, i guess it is true)
The second story is about another bank robbery, a man with no weapons robbed 3 banks in 30 minutes, How? The 3 banks are very close enough to make th is stunt. He entered the bank, tell the manager this is a robbery, i have no gun, but if you see, top of that building, there is a friend of mine with a shotgun and hes aiming at you, now gimme the money. He grabbed the money and proceed to the next bank. He repeated the same procedure in each bank and went away.
3 hous later, when they realized that the guy with the shotgun still there, the police, shure that they will catch the tief, went to the building and they finded… A dummy made with old clothes holding a broom!!!
Upon arrival at their hunting, a group of hunters discover that there is an enormous bear sitting on the roof of the cabin. Not wanting to wait to see if the bear will leave on its own, the hunters race into the cabin, phone the game commission, and ask them to send someone out to remove the bear.
A few hours pass before a truck pulls up from the game commission. A man steps from the truck a looks over the situation. He then gets in the back of his truck and returns with his equipment which consists of a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a dog.
The man from the game commission approaches the hunters and hands one man the shotgun, tells the dog to sit next to the cabin and sets the ladder up against the cabin. Couriosity got the best of the hunter holding the shotgun and he asked the man, How are you going to trap a bear using a ladder, a baseball bat and a dog?
The man from the GC replied, Im using the ladder to climb on the roof. When I get to the roof the bear will charge me and Ill knock him off of the roof with the baseball bat. And this dog is a specially trained hunting dog that knows that when something falls from the sky, he is supposed to attack it by the testicles, and drag the poor SOB into the cage in the back of my truck.
Still curious, the hunter with the shotgun asks, Then why am I holding this shotgun.
The man replied, Thats in case the bear knocks me off of the roof first … you better shoot that god-damned dog fast.
On
Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at
a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny
new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike youve got
there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that
bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid
a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took th
The cop said, "e ticket, but before he rode off
he said, "By the way, thats a nice horse you
got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure
did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to
put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."