48 Phrases you wish you could say at work!



1. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again…

2. I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. Im really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. Ill try being nicer if youll try being smarter.

7. Im out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…

8. I dont work here. Im a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I cant understand a word youre saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think youre full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just dont give a damn.

14. Im already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. Were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one unde! rstands you doesnt mean youre an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. Im not being rude. Youre just insignificant.

21. Its a thankless job, but Ive got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room

26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?

27. Do I look like a people person?

28. This isnt an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting.

29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

30. You!… Off my planet!

31. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

32. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

33. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

34. Allow me to introduce my selves.

35. Whatever kind of look you were going ! for, you missed.

36. Well, this day was a total waste of m akeup.

37. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

38. Im trying to imagine you with a personality.

39. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

40. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you havent fallen asleep yet.

41. Can I trade this job for whats behind door 1?

42. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

44. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.

45. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

47. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

48. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.