– Phone conversations are over in thrity seconds flat.
 

 
– When clicking through the channel, you dnt have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
 

 
– You know stuff about tanks.
 

 
– A five-day vacation requres only one suitcase.
 

 
– You dont have to monitor your friends sex lives.
 

 
– Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter
 

 
– You can open all your own jars.
 

 
– Old friends dont give you crap if youve lost or gained weight.
 

 
– Dry cleaners and haircutters dont rob you blind
 

 
– A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
 

 
– You dont have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
 

 
– You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
 

 
– When your work is criticized, you dont have to panic that everyone secretly hates you
 

 
– The garage is all yours.
 

 
– You can be showered and ready in ten minutes.
 

 
– Wedding plans take care of themselves.
 

 
– If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
 

 
– Your underwear costs $10 for a three-pack.
 

 
– None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
 

 
– You dont have to shave below your neck.
 

 
– If youre thrity-four and single, nobody notices.
 

 
– Everything on your face stays its original color.
 

 
– Chocolate is just another snack.
 

 
– Flowers fix everything.
 

 
– Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
 

 
– Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
 

 
– You dont have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
 

 
– Car mechanics tell you the truth.
 

 
– You dont care whether anybody notices your new haircut.
 

 
– You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking, he must be made at me.
 

 
– You never miscontrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you
 

 
– One mood, all the time.
 

 
– You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
 

 
– You can site with yoru kees apart no matter what you are wearing.
 

 
– Gray hair and wrinkles add character
 

 
– You dont care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
 

 
– You dont mooch off others desserts
 

 
– If you retain water, its in a canteen
 

 
– The remote is yours and yours alone
 

 
– People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them
 

 
– You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift
 

 
– Bachelor parties have it all over bridal showers
 

 
– You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
 

 
– If you dont call your buddy when you say you will, he wont tell your friends youve changed
 

 
– If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
 

 
– You dont have to remember birthdays and anniversaries for everyone you know.
 

 
– Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: So . . . Notice anything different?
 

 
There is always a game on somewhere