Soviet Humour

I worked for a while with a techie who was originally
from the Ukraine. He would tell me bonafide Russian jokes.
The ones I remember:

The farmers of a commune are gathered together by some officials for an
announcement. The government spokesman steps up and announces that
production is up, tractors are being manufactured in record quantities
and the economy is wonderful. He then asks if there are any questions.
A farmer named Perchek raises his hand. Yes, Comrade, a question. If
everything is so wonderful, why are we hungry, ill-housed and ill-clothed?

An excellent question comes the reply. I will ask it to my superiors
and return to you with an answer.

Three months later, the farmers are once again gathered and the same
type of news is announced. The spokesman again asks if there are

Yes, says one farmer. Where is Perchek?

There are a whole series of jokes involving the Reds and the Whites
(Reds being the partisan revolutionaries and Whites being the ruling
decadent pigs…) The jokes always involve the exploits of
Sasha, Ivan and Boris, three revolutionary Reds. The only one I can
remember is:

Boris is walking through Red Square one day on his way back to
revolutionary headquarters, when he sees a long line of men with grins
on their eager faces. He recognizes that many of them are prominent
Whites. He sneaks to the head of the line and sees that they are waiting
for a turn to screw a woman laid out on a mat in a warehouse. To his
surprise, he discovers that it is Sasha!

Quickly donning a disguise, he
gets in line and takes a turn, too. He then rushs back to Ivan at
headquarters and announces the traitorous activities of Sasha, who he
caught giving sexual favors to Whites!

About that time, Sasha walks into
the building. Ivan jumps up and angrily demands to know what she has
been doing. Furthering our noble cause, comrades! I have been out
spreading VD among the Whites!

Steven Swinkels

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