Things Dogs Must Try To Remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dads underwear when hes on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when Im lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. Kitty box crunchies are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when its raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. I will not steal my Moms underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dads laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches in for Moms drivers license and car registration.

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