Old and New Jokes

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.

He says Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me.



His friend says Dont worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.



So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.



Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.



You reek of alcohol and youve thrown up all over yourself, my God youre disgusting etc.



Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, Wait. Its not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. Hed obviously had one too many, or else he just couldnt hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket.



She looks in his breast pocket and says, But this is forty dollars.



Ah, yes. says the man. He shit in my trousers too.