Act out your version of company takeover

Find a way to change everyones password to hellraiser

Around 3:20am, play connect the dots with lights still on in other office buildings

Sneaking in the bosss desk could land you an unexpected promotion

Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art

Go into the other genders bathroom without fear of being caught

Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will call so you can have someone to talk to

Leave prank message on the CEOs voice mail

Finally, a chance to live out a dream and work naked at your desk

Elevator surfing!

Her belly button doesnt have lint, it has sweaters.

BOY: Isnt the principal a dummy?!

GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?

BOY: No.

GIRL: Im the principals daughter.

BOY: And do you know who I am?

GIRL: No.

BOY: Thank goodness!

A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was hauling ass around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see the cow?

It was daytime

A man walks into a bar with his turtle which is has two black eyes, 3 broken legs, a plater on his head and duct tape holding his shell together.

the bar man looks to him and says


what the hell is that thing

the man replies


this is the fasted turtle in the world

the barman


if it can make it across the length of my bar in 10 mins i will give you free drinks all evening

the man


its a deal

So everybody in the bar is waiting patiently for the man to put his turtle and on the floor and watch it go then the bar man says go, and without any hesitation the man throughs his turtle across the bar bouncing off the wall at the other side and falling to the floor.

The man replies


two shots of vodka please.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

Well he explained By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen.

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself Ill go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. Well he explained By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself Ill go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. Well he explained, by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…….

Dont be sexist… broads hate that!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Toothy!
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Burton!
Burton who?
Burton in the hand is worth two in the bush!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mikey!
Mikey who?
Mikey wont fit in this lock!