Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A punk, in full regalia (leather, chains, rings on every bodily protrusion, multicolored spiked hair … the works), happened to note an old man watching him intently from a park bench.

The punk sauntered up to the oldster and, with a sneer curling his purple-colored lips, demanded to know what the old man was looking at.

You, replied the senior citizen.

Whatsamatter, dont you like what you see? demanded the punk.

Never taking his gaze from the punk, the old man said: About twenty years ago I had intercourse with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my son.

No eye deer

Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?
A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates cant even spell lightbulbe, eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidates families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and asks, Is this some kind of joke?

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. There might be some matches in the top drawer, she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. Is this your husband? he inquired nervously.

No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him. Your boyfriend then? he asked.

No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.

Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, Thats me before the operation.

Un señor va a donde un sacerdote para confesarse y le dice: Padre,deseo confesarme con usted. Me siento muy mal porque le tengo fobia a las mujeres,y cada vez que veo una,la agarro a golpes.

El sacerdote le dice: Bueno, hijo mío, lo importante es que estés arrepentido. Yo no te voy a hacer rezar padres nuestros, sólo debes hacer lo siguiente: apenas salgas a la calle, le das 50 dólares a la primera mujer que veas y de esa forma serás perdonado.

El señor sale a la calle y en una esquina ve a una mujer, se le acerca y le entrega 50 dólares. La mujer pone cara de sorprendida y le dice: Oiga señor, que se ha creído, son 100 dólares.

¡Pero el sacerdote me dijo que le diera 50 dólares!

¡Es que debe usted saber que el sacerdote es cliente antiguo!

Un hombre entra a un bar y se dirige a un cliente:

Hola, buenas, ¿es suyo el perro que está atado ahí fuera?

Si, es mío, ¿por qué?

Pues porque mi gato lo ha matado.

¿Cómo? ¡Eso es imposible, si mi perro es un rottweiler gigantesco!

Ya… y mi gato es hidráulico.

There once were three men who were in an air balloon and the Japanese man said, Lets throw whatever you have in your pockets out of the balloon.

The other two men agreed and the Chinese man goes and throws a penny off of the balloon and sees a girl on the ground crying, so he says, Whats wrong little girl?

The girl says, A penny hit me in the head from the sky.

The Japenese man goes next, and he throws off a quarter and sees a little girl on the ground crying so he goes down and says, Little girl, why are you crying?

She says, A quarter hit me in my head from the sky.

The mexican goes last and he throws off a bomb and sees a little boy laughing really hard. Curious, he goes down to the little boy and asks, Little boy, why are you laughing?, and the lil boy says I farted and my house blew up.

THE END

The chief cause of problems is solutions.