A young woman wen tto a doctor and told him, You have to help me. I hurt all over.

What do you mean? asked the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow! That hurts. Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, Ouch! That hurts, too. Then she touched her right earlobe. Ow, even that hurts.

The doctor asked the woman, Are you a natural blonde?

Why, yes, she said.

I thought so, said the doctor. You have a sprained finger

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.Roberts looks around and asks, Now, who is going to tell the wife? They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, dont make a bad situation any worse than it is.Gentlemen! Discreet? Im the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me. Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.Rippington says, Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.She hollers, TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!Rippington says, Ill tell him.

The Clinton Administration: Stupid is as stupid does.

Un señor llegua a un bar a las 9:00 pm, y le pide al cantinero una cerveza. Cuando termina, pide otra y así sigue hasta las 11:00 pm.

El tipo casi borracho pide otra cerveza más, y de repente le entran las ganas de orinar, y para no llevarse la cerveza al baño escribe una nota diciendo: ESCUPI EN LA CERVEZA.

Cuando termina de hacer sus nececidades, y al regresar a su antiguo puesto, donde se localizaba la cerveza, encontra otra nota diciendo: YO TAMBIEN.

El científico: Mira al suelo mientras mea y al mismo tiempo examina las burbujas y hace experimentos sobre la presión del chorro de acuerdo con la magnitud del pujo.

El despreocupado: Orina toda la parte externa del inodoro o mea en el lavamanos si encuentra todos los retretes ocupados.

El distraído: Se desabrocha la bragueta, se saca una punta de la camisa y se mea en los pantalones.

El débil: Dura varios minutos buscándosela entre la bragueta y al final decide bajarse por completo los pantalones para poder sacarla.

El envidioso: Mira hacia los demás mingitorios y compara su pija con la de los otros.

El exquisito: Se sienta en el inodoro para mear.

El fanfarrón: Se desabrocha cinco botones para sacársela cuando dos hubieran sido suficientes.

El infantil: Dirige el chorro hacia arriba y hacia abajo, intentando llegar más alto o cazar un insecto.

El insidioso: Deja escapar un silencioso pedo; luego olfatea y mira acusadoramente al vecino.

El nervioso: No encuentra la bragueta, se desgarra el cinturón y se arranca los botones o la cremallera.

Joke found on http://www.loschistes.com

Estaban dos niños cada uno con un trompo y uno le dice al otro:

A ver, baila el trompo.

Y el otro le contesta: No sabo.

No se dice no sabo se dice no sepo.

En ese momento una señora estaba escuchando la conversación de los niños y les dice:

No se dice ni no sabo ni no sepo.

Los niños le preguntan:

Entonces, ¿Cómo se dice?

La señora les contesta:

No sé.

Y los niños le dicen:

Entonces, por qué se mete en lo que no le importa.

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnite, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.



So, what is it? grumbled the governor.



Judge Garber has just died said the attorney, and I want to take his place.



Replied the governor: Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker.

Zymurgys First Law Of Evolving System Dynamics Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Just after the biggest horse race of the year, the horses that came 2nd and 3rd meet up and discuss the replay of the race. The horse that came second, a grey horse, tells the other brown horse that he doesnt undersatnd why he lost. I was winning for most of the race, I got well ahead of everyone else and onto the last straight, when all of a sudden that black horse comes out of nowhere and blows me out of the water! I just dont understand. Just then, a dog wanders up to the horses and says Sorry, I couldnt help but overhear your conversation. I noticed that you had that large lead at the start of the race and knew straight away you were going to lose, you need to pace yourself, and because the black horse conserved his energy, but stayed just close enough to you throughout, he was able to beat you on the straight with great ease. The dog walks off and the two horses look at each other all confused. There is a short pause and the brown horse says Bugger me, a talking dog

Britney spears craig david and shaggy were on a plane and someone farts craig david says im walking away shaggy says it wasint me and britney spears says opps i did it again

the next day they are on a plane and someone farts shaggy says it wasnt me craig david says i;m walking away and britney spears says stronger than yesterday.