Un borrachÃn llega a un hotel y pregunta por el baño.
Siga hasta el final del pasillo y gire hacia la izquierda.
El beodo siguió hasta el final del pasillo pero no giró hacia la izquierda, sino hacia la derecha, en dirección a la piscina, a donde cae sin saberlo y grita asustado:
¡Por favor no le den a la palancaaaaa!
El Chileno no se emborracha… SE CURA O SE COCE
El Chileno no tiene amigos… TIENE YUNTAS
El Chileno no se burla… AGARRA PAL HUEVEO
El Chileno no tiene depresión… SE ACHACA
El Chileno no conversa… PURO HUEVEA
El Chileno no hace el amor… CULEA, TIRA, SE MANDA UNA CACHA
El Chileno no es tonto … ES AGÃœEONAO,
El Chileno no es inteligente… ES ASCURRIO
El Chileno no molesta… ES LADILLA
El Chileno no baila… PERO TRATA
El Chileno no va a una fiesta… VA A UN CARRETE
El Chileno no se toma un trago… SE TOMA UN COPETE
El Chileno no toma aguardiente… TOMA PISCOLA
El Chileno no toma ron… TOMA VINO
El Chileno no se molesta… SE EMPUTECE
El Chileno no te golpea… TE HACE MIERDA
El Chileno no fracasa… LA CAGA
El Chileno no flojea… SACA LA VUELTA
El Chileno no sale corriendo… SALE APRETANDO CACHETE
El Chileno no sale apurado… SALE CAGANDO
El Chileno no es dificil… ES COMPLICAO
El Chileno no es molestoso… ES HINCHA-COCOS
El Chileno no es un tipo alegre… ES LA ZORRA
El Chileno no te reta… TE ECHA LA FOCA
El Chileno no te reprende… TE ECHA LA CHORIÃ
El Chileno no conquista… JOTEA
El Chileno no engaña a su pareja… LE PONE EL GORRO
El Chileno no sale con TU esposa (o)… es PATAS NEGRAS
El Chileno no es un tipo bueno… ES UN BACAN!
El Chileno no es creido… SE CREE LA RAJA
El Chileno no hace negocios raros… ES MAFIOCA
El Chileno no es burgués… ES CUICO
El Chileno no es del pueblo… ES FLAYTE
El Chileno no dice Aguas!, cuidado!… dice: GUARDA CULIAO!
El Chileno no dice La Policia!, LaLey!…dice: LOS PACOS COCHETUMARE!!!
El Chileno no es volado… ESH ASHI SHUPER LOCO
El Chileno no anda en coche o carro… ANDA EN AUTO
El Chileno no come bananas… COME PLÃTANOS
El Chileno no come aguacate… COME PALTA
El Chileno no come cacahuates… COME MANÃ
El Chileno no come hamburguesas… COME MIERDONALS
El Chileno no come bifechorizo… COME CHORIPAN
El Chileno no come fresas… COME FRUTILLAS
El Chileno no dice baterias… dice: PILAS
El Chileno dice Hola pero tambien dice: QUÉ ONDA? QUÉ CONTAY?
El Chileno no dice eso tan feo…dice: ESA HUEÃ DE MIERDA
Y uno deportivo… muchos Chilenos todavÃa dicen GOOOOL!!!!
pero la gran mayorÃa le ponen apellido y dicen: GOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!! CONCHETUMADRE!!!
Si quiere conocer el Caribe, vaya a Cuba o a República Dominicana;
si quiere conocer el PacÃfico, vaya a Perú o al Ecuador;
si quiere conocer el Atlántico, vaya a Argentina o al Brasil;
si quiere conocer las culturas precolombinas, vaya a México;
pero si quiere ver cómo es el mejor paÃs de sudamérica, con todo eso junto y mucho más, VAYA A CHILE!!!
Y VIVA CHILE MIERDA!
Q: Why dont blind people sky dive?
A: It scares there dogs to death.
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the towns most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way?
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, Um… No.
Or, the lawyer continued, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, Or that my sisters husband died in a traffic accident, the lawyers voice rising in indignation, Leaving her pennyless with three children?
The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, I had no idea…
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, So if I dont give any money to them, why should I give any to you?
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDNT SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIAS SECRET
10. Does this come in childrens sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing
8. Ill be in the dressing room going blind
7. Mom will love this
6. Oh size wont matter, shes inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, Ill eat it here
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
2. $45 bucks?! Youre just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victorias Secret is:
1. Oh honey, youll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!
Take 12 toothpicks, pencils, or q-tips. Now subtract one, Now you should have 9 in front of you. Did you do it right?
Answer: Technically you have 11 toothpicks left over right? 12 – 1 = 11
But if you arrange them into letters, You will have 11 toothpcks that spell out the Word NINE !!
Two storks are sitting in their nest – a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him. Dont worry, son. Your mother will come back. Shes only bringing people babies and making them happy. The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says, Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now hes bringing joy to new mommies and daddies. A few days later, the storks parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where hes been all night. The baby stork says, Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!
Real programmers dont eat quiche. Real programmers dont even know how to spell
Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
Real programmers dont write application programs. They program right down to the bare
metal.
Application programs are for dullards who cant do system programming.
Real programmers dont write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
They are lucky to get any program at all.
Real programmers dont comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
understand and even harder to modify.
Real programmers dont draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterates form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
Real programmers dont read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
novice and the coward.
Real programmers dont use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
Real programmers dont use Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state
analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
Real programmers dont use PL/1. PL/1 is for insecure mommas boys who cant choose
between Cobol and Fortran.
Real programmers dont use BASIC. In fact, no programmers use BASIC
after reaching puberty.
Real programmers dont use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.
Real programmers dont use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than
actual code.
Real programmers dont use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko computer science
languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.
Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 a.m. its
because they were up all night.
Real programmers dont play tennis or any other sport which requires a change of clothes.
Mountain climbing is ok, and real programmers often wear climbing boots to work
in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for
compulsive, pre-maturely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties and
carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered desk.
Real programmers dont like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are
the Chief Programmer.
Real programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers
are for
dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners and other mental
defectives.
Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for
pansy bed-wetters who are unable to think big.
Real programmers dont drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMWs, Lincolns or pick-up
trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.
Real programmers dont believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers
firm up schedules. Frightened coders strive to make schedules. Real
programmers ignore schedules.
Real programmers like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven.
Real programmers use the heat given off by the cpu. They can tell what
job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.
Real programmers know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every read
program.
Puppy architects wont allow execute instructions to address another execute as
the target instruction. Real programers despise such petty restrictions.
Real programmers dont bring brown bag lunches to work. If the vending machine sells it, they
eat it. If the vending machine doesnt sell it, they dont eat it. Vending
machines dont sell quiche.
A man carrying a small bag walks into a bar.
The bartender serves him a drink, but being a curious person he asks the man, what is the bag?
Its really quite amazing, the man says, as he opens the bag, and reveals a very small piano and a 10 tall miniature man.
The tiny human marches directly over to the piano and begins to play absolutely beautiful music.
After a few minutes of this demonstration, the bartender wants to know how the man came by this fabulous find.
The man produces a small brass lantern from his coat pocket and says: I was given this magic lantern by a wise old Gypsy and I merely rubbed the lamp and made a wish!
The bartender asks if the man would mind if he made a wish, and after some money changed hands the man consents to allow one wish to be made.
The bartender quickly rubs the lamp, closes his eyes and makes his wish. And in a flash an old Genie appears for a brief instant, makes a grand wave of his arms and the bar is immediately overrun with ducks!
I mean they are everywhere, and of course there is absolute pandemonium in the building. Feathers, duck shit, tremendous noise and people are rushing to get out of the building.
What the hell kind of Magic Genie is that, the bartender screams over the noise, I didnt wish for a million ducks!
Well as you may have noticed the man says the Genie is rather old, and he is a quite hard of hearing, and this can cause some misunderstanding.
You dont think I wished for a 10 pianist do you?
An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is. "Its fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing."Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "Hes been using the fridge again!"
Abonare RSS Feed cel mai usor mod de a fi informat
Abonare PozePisici via email :