Why are they called buildings, when theyre already finished? Shouldnt they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when theyre all stuck together?
Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
A hillbilly kid marries his childhood sweetheart. Their honeymoon was to take place in a hunting lodge located in a special area, which is only accessible by train. They get to the station where they wait for four hours. All of the waiting passengers are getting a little miffed.
The bride realizes that she needs to go to the little girls room, and upon returning, shes crying hysterically. Her husband asks her what was up.
After a lot of effort, she says, As I was waiting in line to use the bathroom, I overheard a couple of hunters say that if the train doesnt get here soon, the f***ing season will be over.
A woman wearing a real tight dress, and carrying a bunch of
packages tries to get on a bus. She cant get up the step so she
reaches behind and drops the zipper on her skirt a little, tries
again and still cant make it, so she drops her skirt zipper a bit
more, still no luck, she reaches back drops her skirt zipper a
bunch and the guy behind her gooses her, picks her up, carries
her on the bus, pays both fares, sets her down and kisses her
left breast. The woman slaps him, and the guy says, Honey after
you pulled my zipper down the third time, I figured we were
friends.
What is the difference between a street musician and a gynecologist?
A street musician is an organ grinder with a monkey.
A gynecologist monkeys with an organ grinder.
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, Well, youve been such a good guy, and your invention … the assembly line for the automobiles … changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want.
Ford thinks about it, and says, I want to hang out with God Himself.
So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, When you invented woman, what were you thinking?
God asks, What do you mean?
Well, says Ford, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
Theres too much front end protrusion.
It chatters way too much at high speeds.
Maintenance is extremely high.
It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
The rear end wobbles too much.
The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
The headlights are usually too small.
Fuel consumption is outrageous.
Just to name a few.
Hmmmm…, replies God, hold on a minute. God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford and says, It may be that my invention is flawed, but, according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.
You might be a redneck if your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand!