An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.
The old man looks at his son and asks…
Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?
The man curls his eyebrows and asks huh?
The old man gets up and says wait right here.
About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.
The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:
Ok, heres how it works…
If the boy grabs the beer hes gonna be a drunk.
If he grabs the cards hes gonna be a gambler.
If he grabs the bible hes gonna be a preacher.
The baby stares at the items for a moment.
He then reaches out and grabs all three items.
The old man shouts…
HOT DANG SON – HES A DEMOCRAT!
Archive for August, 2019
A truck driver was doing a cross country haul
and he hated [ethnics] with a passion. Every time
he saw an [ethnic] hitch hiking he would swerve
off the road and hit them.
This had gone on
for about 7 or 8 hours when he saw a pastor
hitch hiking. He had to pick him up but he
wondered what he would do about the blood, he
decided to not to make conversation of it and
picked up the pastor. Luckily enough the
pastor didnt seem to notice.
About 20 minutes
later the truck driver spotted another
hitch hiker and thought Maybe if I act
like Im falling asleep at the wheel I can
swerve off the road and hit him.
So he then
proceded to act like he was falling asleep
and swerve off the road. Two seconds later
he heard a loud thump and looked up excitedly
and said Did I get em!
The pastor looked
up and said No my son,
but I got him with the door.
One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:
Two weeks ago, I said, was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasnt feeling too
hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my
wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for
me. She didnt even say Good Morning let alone say Happy Birthday.
I said to myself Well thats wives for you. The children will remember.
But the children came into breakfast and didnt say a word. And when I started
to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, Janet said Good Morning, Boss–Happy Birthday
and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, You know
its such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so lets go to
lunch, just you and I. I said, By George, that is the greatest thing I have
heard all day. Lets go.
We went to lunch. We didnt go where we normally go, we went out into the
country to a private place. We had two Martinis and enjoyed lunch
tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, You know, its such a beautiful day
we dont need to go back to the office, do we? I said, No, I guess not.
She said, Lets go by my apartment, and Ill fix you another Martini.
We went to her apartment. We enjoyed another Martini and smoked a cigarette
and she said, Boss, if you dont mind, I think Ill go into the bedroom and
slip into something more comfortable and I allowed her as I didnt mind at
all.
She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes she came out of the bedroom
carrying a big birthday cake followed by my wife and children. All were
singing Happy Birthday and there I sat with nothing on but my socks.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:
Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
Pres says: You think were stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!