A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one… sets it down. — and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man leaves. On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I dont mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one… sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer… sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I dont mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. Its just that my wife said that I couldnt go to the bar and drink anymore… but she didnt say anything about my brothers."

A cabbage, a water hose, and a bottle of tomato sauce joined a race. The race goes on and this is what happens…The cabbage is a-head… the hose is still running… and the bottle is trying to ketchup…

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Weevil!
Weevil who?
Weevil work it out!

Están un cirujano, un ingeniero y una informática discutiendo acerca de cuál es la profesión más antigua del mundo:

El médico dice: Pues está claro: Dios creó a la mujer con una costilla del hombre, una operación quirúrgica exquisita, entonces los cirujanos somos los primeros.

El ingeniero: Qué va,qué va, antes del hombre existía el caos, pura desorganización y va Dios y con una maestría extraordinaria hace un proyecto de ingeniería asombroso y crea el universo, por tanto la Ingeniería es la profesión más antigua.

La informática: ¿Y quién creen ustedes que creó el Caos?

Están dos madres y una le dice a la otra:

Oye, dile a tu hija que me deje de estar imitando.

¡Niña! ¡Deja de hacerte la idiota!

Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.



Look, said one, lets be honest with each other.



Okay, you first, replied the other.



That was the end of the discussion.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isnt it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadnt heard the question.



Isnt it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? the lawyer repeated.



The witness still did not respond.



Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.



Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

Do you know what I?m doing? he asks.

Yes, she replies. You?re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities.

That?s right, says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. Do you know what I?m doing now?

You?re checking for any lumps or breast cancer, she replies.

Correct, says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. Do you know what I?m doing now?

Yes, she says. You?re getting herpes?which is why I came here in the first place.

Whats the smartest thing thats ever came from a females mouth? einstiens cock.