Dos borrachos regresan de una fiesta cuando sienten unas ganas irresistibles de orinar. Al pasar frente a un edificio en etapa final de construcción, le solicitan permiso al vigilante, quien le explica donde está ubicado el baño: Sigan este pasillo, al final crucen a la derecha, bajan DOS ESCALONES y justo allí esta el baño.

Los borrachos siguen las instrucciones, pero se equivocan y cruzan a la izquierda, donde se encuentran con el hueco destinado para el ascensor. Irremediablemente los borrachos caen al vacío estrepitosamente.

Después de un buen rato, uno de los borrachos, maltrecho por el golpazo, reacciona y le dice al otro: Como la ve compadre, ¿nos orinamos aquí o le echamos bola al otro escalón?

The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, I cant believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!



The magistrate looked at him and replied, And you must be whats passing through.

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. Please DO NOT to try these techniques at home.

Why not? asked somebody from the audience.



I watched my wifes routine at breakfast for years, the expert explained. She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, Honey, why dont you try carrying several things at once?



Did it save time? the person in the audience asked.



Actually, yes, replied the expert. It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.

One day Buddy and Ruddy come upon a genie. The genie says, You EACH get three wishes. So Buddy wishes, I wish for all the beautiful women in the state. The genie grants that. Then Ruddy says, I wish for a million dollars. The genie grants that. Then Buddy wishes, I want all the beautiful women in the COUNTRY. The genie grants that. Then Ruddy wishes, I would like a Harley Davidson motorcycle. So the genie grants that. Then Buddy wishes, I wish for all the women in th WORLD! The genie hesitates and grants that. Then Ruddy wishes, I wish that Buddy was a woman.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Thaddeus!
Thaddeus who?
To be or not to be, thaddeus the question!

God didnt create the world in seven days; he screwed around for
six days and pulled an all-nighter.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An air bag.

Thousands of people flock to the annual Burning Man festival in The Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.

Q: Do you know what the height of mixed emotions is?

A: Watching your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand-new Mercedes.

The State of American political rhetoric:

The plan is really a Doctor Kevorkian prescription for the jobs of American working men and women. Rep. Richard Armey, R-Texas, on the Clinton health care proposal.

At a congressional hearing Armey pledged to Hillary Clinton to make the health care debate exciting. Mrs. Clinton replied, Im sure you will do that, you and Doctor Kevorkian.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until its free. humorist P.J. ORourke.

The people of the 5th district of Georgia did not send me here to sell them out for a mess of pottage (sic) and 30 (sic) pieces of silver. Democratic Rep. John Lewis, saying no to NAFTA.

Understatement of the year: I spun myself out of control. Republican consultant Edward Rollins on his post-election statements about suppressing black voter turnout in the New Jersey governors race.

If were going to prepare them for what goes on in the front seat, we ought to prepare them for goes on in the back seat. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders on drivers education and sex education.

The scariest and the most dangerous part of (Endeavor space shuttle) mission occurs this week, when the astronauts return to Florida and pick up their rental cars. Jay Leno.

You need three things to be a successful pundit: an inexhaustible supply of effrontery, a short memory and the ability to spell the word Armageddon. Canadian journalist Gynne Dyer. If that is so, then we dont have to worry about Dan Quayle becoming a famous columnist.

But then there is Rush Limbaugh. Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and just think to yourself, I am just full of hot gas? David Letterman questioning Rush Limbaugh who was on Lettermans show promoting his best-selling book *I Told You So*.

I was not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here, ruining people is considered sport. From Vincent Fosters suicide note, White House deputy counsel at the time.