IBM: Its Backwards, Man

Una mañana, una rubia encantadora llama a su novio muy alterada:

Tienes que venir a ayudarme. ¡Tengo un rompecabezas y no soy capaz ni de empezar!

¿Qué clase de rompecabezas?

Según la foto de la caja, es un tigre.

Como a él se le dan muy bien los rompecabezas, decide pasarse a echarle una mano. Entra y se acerca a la mesa donde están todas las piezas dispersas, al lado de la caja. Mira las piezas, luego la caja y se vuelve hacia ella:

Bueno, para empezar, lo siento mucho, pero no veo cómo unir estas piezas para formar el tigre. Y segundo, te aconsejo que te relajes, te tomes un café y después metas las Zucaritas de Kellogs en su caja…

Q: How do you know that a blonde sent you a fax?



A: It has a stamp on it.

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a Lord Nelson.



The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night.



The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told Doctor, Ive been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson.



Thats wonderful, said the doctor. Who are you?



Smiling coyly, the patient replied, Im Lady Nelson.

A bloke goes into a bar carrying a small box. He asks the bartender If I show you the neatest thing youve ever seen will you give me a free beer?

The bartender says, Sure, but Ive got to warn you Ive seen a LOT of things in my time.



Yeah, but youve never seen anything like this! says the man opening the box to reveal a tiny little person playing a piano, jamming away, He plays Bach, Stravinsky, He plays John Cage, he plays it all,



The bartender is mightily impressed.



That IS the neatest thing Ive ever seen. Where did you get him?



Well I was walking on the beach, found this brass lamp and rubbed it, and a genie came out and granted me a wish,



Do you think I could have a wish too? the barman asks.



Sure, says the man, producing the lamp from his coat pocket. The bartender gives it a rub, and then the genie pops out, so the bartender says I wish for a million bucks! POOF! The bar is full of duks. They are flying around, crapping on everuthing, theyre everywhere. The bartender screams at the man, Why didnt you tell me your Genie was DEFECTIVE!!!?



Yep, hard of hearing. I didnt ask for a 12-Inch Pianist, either.

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks!

Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: Im sorry
The wife means: Youll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All were going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: Im coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: Im not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

What you do to your first babys pacifier by boiling it and to your
last babys pacifier by blowing on it.

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

A: Chances are theyll both end up in the gutter.

A man is in a room and the door is locked so he cant get out. He has with him a piano, a calander, and a bed. How does he eat drink and get out?



Answer: He uses the dates from the calander to eat, the springs from the bed to drink and the keys from the piano to get out.