You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

Un par de amigas caminaban solas a altas horas de la noche por un barrio temible, cuando, de pronto, sienten a lo lejos unos pasos apresurados detrás de ellas. Las dos amigas, asustadas, deciden acelerar el paso y no se detienen para nada… hasta que llegan a un callejón sin salida.

En eso, entre las sombras, ven al tipo que las persigue acercarse con baba en la boca. Una de ellas le grita alocadamente ante la inminencia de un ataque brutal:

¡¿Qué chucha quieres??!

El violador contesta:

¡Ah! ¿Puedo escoger?

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, Hey Senor, I would like the worlds best beer, a Corona. The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.



The guy from Budweiser says, Id like the best beer in the world, give me The King Of Beers, a Budweiser. The bartender gives him one.



The guy from Coors says, Id like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors. He gets it.



The guy from Guinness sits down and says, Give me a Coke. The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.



The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask Why arent you drinking a Guinness? and the Guinness president replies, Well, I figured if you guys arent drinking beer, neither would I.

A man walks into bar, sits on a nearby stool and ganders at a large jug of money. Upon pondering, he asks the bartender, How much money is in there?

The bartender, with a gentle smile replied, 26,000,000..

The man jumped up with his eyes about ready to emerge from their sockets. He asked, So is it for the poor? Or is it lika a charity?

The bartender shook his head.No no no! That money is for the first person to complete three tasks.

A little curious, the man said, Is that so? Well, Im sure I could get them done, so what are they?

Grinning slightly, the bartender replied, First task: You must chug down a 5 gallon bucket of beer. Second task: You must pull a rotten tooth from a wolf with rabies. Then for your final task, you must have sex with a 100 year old grandmother located upstairs.

The man gulped a little, but replied, Well, that still sounds like a deal!

The man chugged down the 5 gallon bucket of beer. Woozy, he told the bartender to take him out to the wolf with rabies. Leave me here! This could get rough, the man said in a fluury of slurred words, as the bartender let him go and walked back in to tend to the custumers.

Minutes later he heard the wolf yelping and crying out. Man, he must really have a thing with animals. Hes probably pulled that tooth right out.

The bartender looked up in wonder as the man stumbled through the door and yelled in a drunken voice, Now wheres that old lady with the rotten tooth?

Bury a blonde.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said Oh, look at the deer tracks.

The other blonde looks and says Those arent deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.

No. Those are deer tracks.

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back.

The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got

his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, No

charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer

books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He

then asked how much it was. The barber said, No charge. I consider

it a service to the community.

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and

a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked

how much it was. The barber said, No charge. I consider it a

service to the country.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators

in front of the door.

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where hed dreamed
of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, Listen, sir,
its real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the
number of times we surface. Divide that number by two.
If the result doesnt come out even, dont open the hatch.

Q: What is every blondes ambition in life?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?

A: Im sooo drunk!

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) I said: Im drunk!

Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?

A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Q: Why cant blondes make ice cubes?

A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?

A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?

A: Finger on chin-I dont know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

A2: So that when theyre on the train they can tell if theyre going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because thats where youre supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her babys diapers every month?

A: Because it says on the box: good for up to 20 pounds.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.