Cierto día, un satélite yanqui se dañó. La NASA, al tener dificultades para repararlo, decide poner un anuncio en Internet buscando un profesional que lo hiciera. En busca del trabajo, llegan un ruso, un chino y un venezolano. Un científico de la Agencia le pregunta al ruso:

¿Cuánto dinero necesita para hacer la reparación?

Dos millones de dólares.

¿Y por qué?

Porque iremos al espacio a buscar el satélite; lo repararemos aquí, en la tierra, y luego lo volveremos a poner en órbita.

Luego el profesional le pregunta al chino:

Y usted, ¿cuánto dinero necesita?

Un millón de dólales.

¿Y por qué?

Polque ilemos a repalalo allá mismo. Luego de repalalo nos relesalemos a la tierra.

Por último, el perito le pregunta al venezolano:

Y usted, ¿cuánto necesita?

Tres millones de dólares.

¿Y por qué tanto?, pregunta, asombrado, el experto.

El venezolano contesta:

Usted se queda con un millón. Yo me quedo con otro millón. ¡Y le damos un millón al chino para que haga la reparación!

A man and his wife go to their weekend getaway in the mountains where the husband likes to fish and the wife likes to read

the husband came home early one day from fishing and went to bed



the wife decided now would be her chance to go out on the boat and read



so she did



she didnt know the lake very well so she just layed anchor anywhere and began to read



along came a officer and told her what are you doing?





reading said the woman





this is a restricted fishing area





but im not fishing





that may be true but you have all of the equipment so i will have to take you in





if you do that i will charge you with rape the woman says





but i didn touch you





this may be true but you have all of the right equipment









Moral of the story is: never mess with a woman who knows how to read.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Hagar!
Hagar who?
Hagar, you with the stars in your eyes….!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

129. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommates idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day

Teach a man to fish, and you can get rid of him for the weekend.

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

your mom its so hairy her legs got bangs

A doctor with a mean sense of humor goes to meet her new patient in
the exam room. First thing she says: Well, Mr. Smith, as we
discussed, you will experience some short-term memory loss.

(tip: dont try these if youre not willing to risk being beaten up) 1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother. 2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the persons head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly. 3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.) 4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying. 5. Help yourself to other peoples meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if theyd like their food back.

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, Hey! What do you have in the bag?

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says, Well, Ill make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, youll have to give me one.

The man says, Ill tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, Ill give you both of them.