If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
If your best Christmas tradition involves fire and reindeer meat.
If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
If your favorite version of Babes in Toyland stars Michael Jackson.
If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
If you get your Christmas tree from an empty lot, at night … the day after Christmas.
You might be a Scrooge, if your favourite version of Silent Night is sung by O.J. Simpson.