1. JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that ones favorite celebrity is Jewish

2. TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember ones lines at ones Bar or Bat mitzvah.

3. MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

4. BUBBEGUM n. Candy ones mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

5. CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 400 AM so she can change the babys diaper.

6. DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

7. GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

8. KISHKA n. Smooching at a Bar Mitzvah and getting the telltale smell of Stuffed Derma.

9. MEINSTEIN slang. My son, the genius.

10. MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on ones face and collar after kissing all ones aunts and cousins at a reception.

11 RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from New Jersey to Florida and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you.

12. ROSH HASHANANA n. A rock n roll band from Brooklyn.

13. FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

14. DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, med school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and


Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irvs son, David, is majoring in biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

15. KINDERSCHLEP n. To transport other kids in your car besides yours.

16. SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out ones wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

17. OYVAYSMEAR What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.

18. JEWDO n. A traditional form of self-defense based on talking ones way out of a tight spot.