With so many airline problems world-wide, I thought a quik check-list of things to look for before you decide to book any discount type airline service would be helpful.

Heres a few things to be watchful for:

When making the boarding annoucement, the flight attendant informs the passengers that seating is based upon a variation of musical chairs.
As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is wearing an Im with Stupid T-Shirt.
The Captain announces over the intercom the the Flight is delayed while he looks for his misplaced keys to the plane.
The cabin attendant announces that those pesky & boring safety procedure announcements have been eliminated.
The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot.

If youre still in doubt, be watchful if:

the Trendy desert-pastel paint job on the plane, upon a closer look, turns out to be primer-yellow and black.
the Ground Crew is seen using pennies to check tire wear
a man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airlines C.E.O.
a voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft while it is in motion.
the Stewardess offers coffee, tea or Valium

And finally, check to see if:

the air sickness bags have the Lords Prayer printed on them.
Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.
a man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passangers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.
a telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.
the Navigator is studying a large unfolded Exxon road map, and has a compass hanging from his belt.

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, Try saying things like, I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?

The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, Now, dont you think thats a little better than slapping your knee and saying No shit?!? What happened next?

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the pilot and Gerry the co-pilot.

As they approached Dublin Airport, they looked out of the front window.

By Jesus, said Paddy, will you look at how fookin short that runway is.

Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy, replied Gerry.

This is going to be one of the trickiest landings you are ever gonna see, said Paddy.

Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy, replied Gerry.

Roit Gerry, when I give the signal, you put to engines in reverse, said Paddy.

Roit, Ill be doing dat, replied Gerry.

And den you put the flaps down straight away, said Paddy.

Roit, Ill be doing dat, replied Gerry.

And den you stamp on tern brakes as hard as you can, said Paddy.

Roit, Ill be doing dat, replied Gerry.

And den you pray to Mother Mary with alla you soul, said Paddy.

Roit, Ill be doing dat, replied Gerry.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Gerry full of nerves and sweaty palms.

As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Gerry put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, rammed the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.

Amid roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt 2 cm from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Gerry and everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Gerry, Dat has gotta be to shortest fookin runway I have ever seen in my whole life.

Gerry looked out the side window and replied, Yeah Paddy, and the fookin widest too.

These are the general jokes from mid 1987 to December of 1989.
They are in order by the half year, but in no particular order other
than that.

In this section, as well as the other general joke sections, you should
be warned that you will see jokes with swearing and explicit sexual
references. The really nasty ones have been moved to their own
chapter, but thats just on my own judgement, and you certainly might
find jokes in here that you think are nasty.

Most nasty jokes here have keywords on them that tell a little about
the content. These are there as a convenience only, and are not a
guarantee that you wont be offended.

You were warned.

The brothel makes us strong (Jim Gardner) laugh, sexual
Dead lawyer? (Bob Gallagher) laugh, offense=lawyers
Discipline (Kyle Adler) funny
Attorney season (carlc@tekgen.TEK.COM) chuckle
Newfie Flies to Toronto (Eric Rapin) funny, offense=newfies
Politics explained (Frederick Wamsley) smirk
A. Whitney Brown on Reagan and Ginsberg (Jeff Meyer) chuckle
Another joke from Poland (resident factious factotum)) laugh
On the Buses (Byron Rakitzis) chuckle, offense=italians
Banana Loaf (Andrew MacLeod) sexual, smirk
Woman Goes to Las Vegas (Todd Warnock) funny, sexual
Take Your Date to a Nice Restaurant (Cmon Bambi. Make my day!) smirk, scatological, sexual
Humor from Poland (Maurice E. Suhre) chuckle
The Oprah Winfrey Show (Bill Kennedy) maybe, gross
A Soviet Man of Letters (Bapat) funny
Specifications (mst@cs1.UUCP) smirk
Comrade Stalin (janw@inmet.UUCP) chuckle
Its not the meat (Cmon Bambi. Make my day!) sexual, chuckle
Johnny at the Zoo (rsalz@pineapple.bbn.com) funny, sexual
Navigational error (Patricia Giencke) maybe
Non-existent movie titles (Billy Green) smirk
Church bulletin humor (Nordquist) laugh
Presbyophrenia (resident factious factotum)) smirk
Carpenters (David Ackerman) sick, funny
Funny Story (Jonathan G. Levy) smirk
Buying aspirin (Ken Yap) chuckle
Pilot Joke (Aaron Endelman) chuckle
Graffito rules… (Eric Tilenius) chuckle
More lawyer jokes (Scott Neugroschl) chuckle
Freeze, turkey (tom reingold) chuckle, sexual
Nasty weather (Lukas) chuckle, swearing, sexual
Another Texan (Bill Kennedy) smirk
Topical Pope Humor (Mark Mullins) maybe, sexual, offense=catholics
Very old Russian joke (Rick [Eric] Ledoux) smirk
Food service (Mike Stachowiak) laugh, sexual
Young drinker joke (Paul A. Suhler) chuckle
Country & Western (Bill Kennedy) maybe, sexual
Medical humor (Burch Seymour) chuckle
I owe, I owe (Dave Fiske) chuckle
Little Johnnie (Julian Cowley) chuckle
Shortages (Adam J. Kucznetsov) chuckle
The Best Hotels laugh
Joke told by Russian Jews (Warren Burstein) chuckle
Revenge (5412) gross, funny
Hippies (Bill Kennedy) smirk
Keeping Score (Bob Weissman) heard it, funny, rot13, sexual
Alz lang syne (heath@ncrcae.UUCP) chuckle
The Royal Outing (rlw@philabs.philips.com) laugh, sexual, offense=loyalists
Busy night in the garden (Richard Wexelblat) funny, sexual
An international conference and a Country Club (wong) chuckle
French in vogue… (cbosgd!ssbn!bill) chuckle
A humourous anecdote from soc.men (Henry Mensch) smirk, sexual
Innovative manufacturing (heath@ncrcae.UUCP) smirk, sexual
Morals vs geography (Brian Gordon) chuckle
Quick Wit Retort (sysop) chuckle
Academicians (Mike Lutz) chuckle
Wake me in time for the wedding (Sigrid Grimm) chuckle, offense=irish
Democracy in action (oj@apollo.UUCP) funny
The Chemistry set (Christopher A. Maloney) chuckle, sexual
Biology Class (Robert Grove) smirk
Mormons at it again (good@pixar.UUCP) smirk
A REAL honest-to-goodness Mormon joke (Mroz) chuckle, sexual
Amputee in a bar (Duke McMullan) funny, offense=amputees
The Famous Enterprise / Road Runner Story (Kee Hinckley) laugh
The Vasectomy (Paul Blumstein) smirk
Real Polish Jokes (Dan Flak) chuckle
American Jokes (Scott Simpson) smirk, copyright
Soviet Humour (Steven Swinkels) chuckle
Interesting Observation (Rick Jarvis) laugh
Stress (lyndon@ers.UUCP) chuckle
Why did the nun cross the road? smirk, sick
An Arab and a Jew (Steve Harris) maybe, semi-gross
Newfie at the Doctor (Greg Kiech) scatological, smirk, racist (?)
Stress Diet (from sci.med) (Steve Robiner) laugh
Rest in Peace (Ron Baakkonen) smirk
Mark Twains plan for the improvement of spelling (santos@ihlpg.UUCP) funny
Two Morons Fishing (Anonymous) chuckle
Scientific Research (Wayne M. Syvinski) funny
The Eyes Have it (Kevin Chu) chuckle
Lawer joke chuckle, offense=lawers
Telephone man in the army (Bruce Stein) chuckle
Farm joke submission (Jack H. Ostroff) chuckle, offense=aggies
Mildly off color story using fractured French (Richard Wexelblat) chuckle
A Pig who Wanted to Get Weighed (zippy the pinhead) laugh
Standard Disclaimer (Brent C J Britton) chuckle
Polish Bank Joke (Dave Fiske) laugh
Texans and New Yorkers (Ken Barr) smirk, sexual
A Fortune (Craig Werner) chuckle
The Pope and Gary Hart (John Pieper) sidesplit, offense=Catholics
Generic Ethnic joke (Jon George Seidl) smirk
(Lack of) work (Mitch Patenaude) smirk
Junkie/AIDS/Condom Joke smirk
Safe Sex (tim@prism.TMC.COM) offense=homosexuals, sexual, smirk
NutWorks Dating Issue (Brent C J Britton) funny, original, sexual
Thrill of the hunt (Mike Newsome) chuckle
Top Ten Reasons for Not Graduating (srt@cs.ucla.edu) original, funny
VOTTS UPPEN, KLAUS??? (Mark Stradinger) smirk, swearing
Problems with Hare-lips (Derrick Hamner) chuckle, swearing
Manners (Robert Plamondon) chuckle, offense=Christians
Anti-Chain Letter (Leo Bols Ewhac Schwab) chuckle, original
Your boss may be an alien! (Doug Mackensie) chuckle
Friggem Young (Barnacle Wes) smirk, sexist, offense=Latter Day Saints
More Supposedly Real Funny Sentences (Joel E. Slotkin) funny
Bartender, theres a fly in my… (Kenneth Richard Tough) funny, offense=Scots
From Poland (Frederick Wamsley) smirk
Nothing can stop the US Air Force (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) chuckle
Give that man a hand (Lizard) chuckle
Penis Length Survey (Scott Turner) funny, original, sexual
What goes up… (Harold Lynn Brunette) laugh
Endangered species (Gregory Sandell) smirk
Nasty Practical Joke (David B. Witherspoon) laugh
Dear Abbie (prince@CS.UCLA.EDU) ethnic, chuckle, sexual
Birds of a feather (Benton Holzwarth) smirk, long
Its fun to charter (Grant Robinson) chuckle
Diplomatic Immunity (Speed Racer) racist, offense=arabs, smirk
Let no Man Put Us Under (Ben Wolin) racist
Michael Jackson (john dyson) laugh
What you shouldnt say to your wife… (David S. Goldberg) chuckle, sexual
Ultimate rejection (Derrick Hamner) sexual, chuckle
Long life (Mark A. Maxwell) sexual, chuckle
Icefishing (Bill Crick) offense=newfies, chuckle
Duck hunt (Mark Kimmerly) scatological, chuckle
Food-porn (Who? me? name? ah…) funny
My dog and your dog (Inna Lauris) smirk
Unintentional humor in student compositions (Paul S. R. Chisholm) original, smirk
Romainian economic forecast for 1988 (Frederick Wamsley) chuckle
Sales Presantation and a Lady from Texas (Henry Wolkowicz) swearing, chuckle
Embarrassment (Dave Horsfall) smirk, sexual
Robbery (Mark Mullins) smirk
Jay Leno on Automobiles (John Hofbauer) chuckle
Best quote from the liberal bating fad in rec.humor (midkiff@uicsrd.csrd.uiuc.edu) chuckle
Thanks for the Subliminals (David Paulsen) original, funny
Russian joke (yet another) (Jeffrey Goldberg) chuckle
Albania, Albania, man sheds his waste on thee. (craig@unicus.UUCP) chuckle
New Yorker item (Sunil Sarin) smirk
Lawyer joke I havent heard (Mike Hummell) smirk
The Joy of Newfie Sex (Andrew MacLeod) offense=newfoundlanders, sexual, chuckle
Both sides now (Michael OHair) chuckle, offense=lawyers
Single and in New York? (The Prime Minister) chuckle
Progressive Culture (Grant Robinson) sick, smirk
Robin Williams on the US (Jeff Meyer) smirk
How bout them cubs? (Sun Worshipper) true, chuckle
Two more lawyer jokes (Richard Sexton) smirk
Purchasing, you know… (Chris Ott) funny, sexual
Manners in the USSR (Paul Vixie) funny
Capitalist Hell vs Communist Hell (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) funny
Rum Cake (Gordon Davisson) chuckle
Another American joke (Frederick Wamsley) smirk
Some original LBJs (Tom Neff) original, chuckle
Newlywed Game Show (Michael A. Petonic) chuckle, racist
Human oscillators (fritz nordby) chuckle
Airplanes (ludo@squawk.sq.com) smirk
Reagans tractor (wendell@ihlpa.UUCP) maybe
Law and Order (|-|ugh) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Virgin Joke (Salit) sexual, chuckle, gross
A parable for graduate students (Julian Vrieslander) chuckle, long
What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday? (Ian Dickinson) rec_humor_cull, offense=catholics, chuckle
testosterone (Steve Losen) funny, sexual
Submission Nautical (Bill Kennedy) swearing, gross, smirk
A Lottery Winner (D. B. Ward) funny
Custard pie (Dikran Kassabian) smirk
Campus pranks (Scott R. Turner) rec_humor_cull, funny
Another compendium of history (Tom Newcomb) rec_humor_cull, funny
Radio Armenia (Jeffrey Goldberg) chuckle
Balls to your partner (Shankar Unni) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Anecdotes 3 (Phillip Garding) rec_humor_cull, smirk
USEFUL PHRASES TO KNOW WHEN TRAVELLING IN MOSLEM AREAS (doug@wiley.UUCP) racist, chuckle
Leading the Blind (FRI@cup.portal.com) rec_humor_cull, funny
Rednecks (David R Kohr) chuckle, sexual
Efficiency (Tim Kay) chuckle, sexual
Rated R (kent@rose4.UUCP) swearing, sexual, sexist
A Traffic Yarn (Barton E. Schaefer) smirk
Dentist joke (Rob Dunn) chuckle
What hurts the most (Orran Y. Krieger) sexual, chuckle
Railroaded (Francois F. Ingrand) chuckle
Drop kick me (206) smirk
Christmas Gift? (Bruce Cantrall) rec_humor_cull, sexual, chuckle
More in the court (Rebecca Burgess) chuckle
WASP jokes – offensive to someone out there (Ms. Math) rec_humor_cull, chuckle, offense=wasp
Robbing you blind (Ken Marks) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Golden Bar Joke (Tony R. Marasco) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Jim Jones (d liebreich) rec_humor_cull, smirk
In the morning? Hell, I dont even respect you now! (Mr. Wonderful) rec_humor_cull, sexist, smirk
Second Coming (wes@obie.UUCP) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Holding a candle (commgrp@silver.bacs.indiana.edu) rec_humor_cull, offense=homosexuals, smirk
Philosophical military question… (merlyn@rose3.UUCP) original, smirk
Another chauvinist joke (Dave Horsfall) sexist, smirk
Dont lower the bridge (commgrp@silver.bacs.indiana.edu) rec_humor_cull, ethnic, smirk
Men, cant live with em (Angeli Ms. Pepper Wahlstedt) smirk, sexist
Apple t-shirt (offensive to female employees?) (Oliver Steele) original, smirk
Offensive to Australians (ph) offense=australians, chuckle
Springtime Planting (Bill Mullaney) chuckle
Vive le difference (Frederick Wamsley) chuckle, sexist
Disorder in the Court (Wayne Lui) funny
Russian joke (yes, another) (brandt@silver.bacs.indiana.edu) chuckle
Sex and mothers in law (Erich Francl) sexual, smirk
John 3:16 (Kenny Crudup) chuckle
More In the Navy (Bill Kennedy) swearing, smirk
Maybe Beer Isnt Better Than Women After All (M. Ali Shaik) original, funny, sexual
Immunity? (Salit) funny, offense=Romanians
Down in the boondocks. (eddie.caplan@H.GP.CS.CMU.EDU) chuckle
Another one rides the bus (Ed Wright) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Im pretty smart! (prince@cs.ucla.edu) rec_humor_cull, smirk, sexist
A nice put-down (Barry Shein) funny
Tell it to the Marines (Ed Wright) sexual, offense=USMC, funny
The locum Vicar (Greg Bond) chuckle
At the Plate (Perry Friedman) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
A little child shall lead them (sotirios saltis) sexual, dirty words, smirk
WW II joke (Brett K. Carver) swearing, funny
Age Old Joke? (Scott Scheiman) funny
Preying Mantis Syndrome (Bryan Wolf) smirk, sexual
Vacation Time (Roger Taranto) chuckle
Now I downt even need to check (Matt Fichtenbaum) funny, sexual
Alligators (Rob McDougall) sexual, smirk
She didnt take a shower on the boat (anon@ymous) funny, sick
Double negatives (Garth Baulch) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
The Oneliner file Annual (Funny Guy) racist, sexist, sexual, chuckle
Minnesota Bashing (woody1@ihlpa.UUCP) chuckle
Mad Martin (Jim Lockwood) funny
More about the 2nd oldest profession (mary@arthur.uchicago.edu) chuckle
What goes around (Matthew Moore) scatological, funny, swearing
Taking the low road (David Grieve) sexual, smirk
Alien sex (Galen Cochran) sexual, smirk
Baaaston (Scott P. Herzig) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Telling Tail (Brett Genger) rec_humor_cull, funny
Just the Bare Facts, Maam (Theodore A. Kaldis) rec_humor_cull, smirk
The roots of Communism (Frederick Wamsley) smirk
Women are like snowflakes (dab@whuts.UUCP) sexual, smirk, slightly sexist
I sat down to roses on my piano (Jim Zeek) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Telling an Optimist from a Pessimist [Again] (John Halleck, Postmaster) smirk
Taking notes… (Thomas S. David) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Fish Story (John Blankenagel) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
How about head secretary? (Joel Smith) rec_humor_cull, ethnic, chuckle
Winnebago Surfing (BACS Data Communications Group) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Window putty (Bill Crick) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Politics (Tom Proett) smirk
When you wish upon a leprechaun… (Phil OKunewick) smirk, nasty word
Luck of the Irish (Nicolas Leonard) funny
The eyes have it (Nicolas Leonard) smirk
Astrology in the White House (Derek Andrew) chuckle
Open the gates (bob@sarad.cs.su.oz.au.UUCP) chuckle
Furrier and furrier (Harold Lynn Brunette) rec_humor_cull, funny
Stolen record (John Mullen) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Grave matter (Bob Hoffman) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Ramdom silliness (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
True Colours (John Trinterud) scatological, smirk
Glasnost and nothing but (Dennis Kriz) rec_humor_cull, original, chuckle
Dictionary quiz (Scott Karlin) chuckle
Lawyers, cant live with em… (Anonymous) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Captain / first mate joke. (Wasif Sattar) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Walk him and pitch to the Giraffe (John Fereira) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts? (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) rec_humor_cull, chuckle, copyright?
Sales Technique (Joe Dakes) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Scot Free (neeman@uicsrd.csrd.uiuc.edu) rec_humor_cull, smirk, ethnic
Talk about service (BimmerPilot@cup.portal.com) rec_humor_cull, smirk, sexual
Im with him (brown@mfci.UUCP) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
Yuppies and Oral Sex (jailbird@ihlpm.UUCP) maybe, sexual
Opium is the religion of the masses. (Stephanie Shelton) rec_humor_cull, smirk
Amusing ? item for sale (John Dodson) chuckle
About speed… (Nicolas Leonard) chuckle
Comedy Day Celebration Jokes (Art Harkin) laugh
Japanese Management (Mitchell Levy) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit. (Baron Fujimoto) chuckle
Centre for disease control (David Harrison) sexual, chuckle
Who is the greatest? (David Finton) smirk
One clucks defiance (ahrens@pb2esac.UUCP) chuckle, sexual, offense=lawyers
I goofed (S.Saal) rec_humor_cull, gross, smirk
A mute in a coffee shop (tran@peora.UUCP) rec_humor_cull, smirk
I see things differently… (Darren F. Provine) laugh, sexual
You almost got me Kilt! (w25y@vax5.CCS.CORNELL.EDU) sexual, funny
Re: Heard on the Radio (David Chesler) original, chuckle
Offensive to Construction workers and Leprechauns (Daniel Hinojosa) smirk, bathroom
With apologies to Henny Youngman (Jim_Borza) sexual, funny
And a few soviet jokes (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) smirk
A Modern Idea (Tim Mitchell) smirk
Jewish Mothers – from Leo Rosten (Ranjit Bhatnagar) smirk
Tired and complaining (Mosur Mohan) laugh, swearing
Trees (Bob Jewett) chuckle
Think of the team from a few years ago (Jim Gardner) funny
Help the Homeless (amlovell@phoenix.princeton.edu) original, laugh
Pausing to honour a funeral (Karen B. Johnson) smirk
Two Hunters in Canada (Joe Dakes) funny
Cheap at half the price (Lee Sailer 814-898-6268) laugh, sexual
More soviet jokes (Henry_Cate_III.PA@XEROX.COM) funny
Vaseline salesman (Grant Robinson) sexual, chuckle
Birds of a feather (Edelperson) sexual, chuckle
The pop quiz (Scott_Klosterman) smirk
Making a mountain out of a Moel (Yana Kane-Esrig) funny
Yugo back to the dealer? (sue hough) chuckle
Lets pick on the economists (Joel Coltoff) chuckle
Taxing Holiday in Israel (Ephraim Silverberg) chuckle, ethnic
Nature of the Press (Grant Robinson) chuckle
Angry husband (Robert Blandford) sexual, smirk
Orthodoxy in Alabama (Roy Smith) anti-racist, chuckle
37 more telephone responses (Lindsey Durway) funny
Boot camp, U.S. Marines (Duke McMullan n5gax) funny, sexual
Sandy McTavishs kilt (Bill Kennedy) ethnic, smirk, sexual
Sock-it to me (Jeff Loucks) smirk
Misunderstanding (Duke McMullan n5gax) sexual, smirk
Feeling guilty (Paul Veldman) chuckle
Generic Jokes (David Albert) ethnic, chuckle
A young JEDR woman gets married… (Phillip Herring) sexual, ethnic, chuckle
Ashes to ashes… (Stuart Freedman) sexual, chuckle
South African chess (John Opalko) chuckle
Healing by the pipes (Peter) smirk
Its not the meat (Bill Kennedy) sexual, chuckle
Cleanliness is next to … (Mike Godfrey) smirk
Australia (Hans van Staveren) chuckle
A Man With A Problem (Daryl Odnert) sexual, chuckle
Searing to new heights (Steven Swinkels) smirk, ethnic
Margaret Thatcher joke (John D. DiMarco) smirk
The Chairman (Eric C. Olson) chuckle
The old chat-up lines are the best… (RDONNLLY@vax1.tcd.ie) smirk, sexual
The Franklin Mint (Jim Carson) original, chuckle
Diplomatic reciprocity (Steve Willner P-316 x57123) chuckle
An Example of Deaf Humor (Angeli Ms. Pepper Wahlstedt) funny
Davids LAST Wish (Dan Pearl) original, funny
Wisdom of the Gods (hmm@laura.irb.informatik.uni-dortmund.de) swearing, chuckle
Aural exam (Bill Semanczuk) chuckle, swearing
Money vs. experience (Bill Kennedy) chuckle
Some comments from Julius (Steve Lindsey) chuckle, sexual
Guinness joke (Eric Percival) funny, sexual
Banker (Tracy LaQuey) maybe
Letter to my wife (LUV) sexual, swearing, chuckle
Little Johnny (R. Scott V. Paterson) swearing, funny, sexual
Newfie goes into a bar (Colin) anti-anti-ethnic, chuckle
Piety (Joel Spolsky) religious stereotypes, chuckle
Funny who you meet (Daniel Fivel) chuckle
Communist Quiz (Not Who won the F.A. cup?) (Anthony Argyriou) chuckle, offense=trotskyites
Death of a Pheasant (John Sahr) original, funny
Who do you call? (Galen Cochran) chuckle
Have you seen the little piggies? (Michael Wilk) chuckle, offense=aggies
Shave and a haircut? (bhayes@polya.Stanford.EDU) sexual, chuckle
Less is more (Grant Robinson) chuckle, sexual
Rabbinic wisdom (Daniel Fivel) chuckle, it mentions prostitution
Moms Brownies (Karl Kleinpaste) chuckle
The rules of relationships (Kevin Summers) sexual stereotypes, smirk
Salman Rushdie one-liners (Michael C. Berch) chuckle, offense=Iranians
Sing your heart out (Swamy Bale) bathroom, funny
Fruits of love (Eric Percival) sexual, chuckle
Firing Squad (Anthony M Lovell) original, smirk
Summitry (Daniel Fivel) chuckle
Newlyweds (Chung-Pang Lai) sexual, smirk
Uzi vs… (Yossie Silverman) chuckle
Prudes and Virgins Digest, v.1 #6 (NOT13) (Prudes and Virgins Digest) original, sexual, funny
Bad Luck of the Irish (Duke McMullan n5gax) ethnic, chuckle
Its chemical (Bob Calbridge) chuckle
Yuks from the Yakutsk (Scotian) funny
Some of our TWA Coffee, or some of our… (Farshid Arman) smirk, sexual
Answer to Question on Nudism (Alan Filipski) original, funny, sexual references
Yet another East German joke (David Gadbois) smirk
Red-tapism (r.bieling) chuckle
Getting along with the natives (Frederick Wamsley) chuckle
The difference between the nations (Vernon Van Duijnhouen STUG) sexual, national stereotypes, chuckle
Only her hairdresser knows (Frederick Wamsley) sexual, chuckle
Choice of punishments (David Purdue) chuckle
The Eighteen Bottles (Donald Tsang) chuckle
Blind luck (Julian Vrieslander) chuckle
On Being Prepared for Marriage (mark@intek01.UUCP) chuckle, marital stereotypes
The TJ Solution (Bill Smith) sexual, smirk
The core of the apple (Mark Jackman) funny, sick
Just off Letterman (david bleckmann) chuckle
minister joke (Nichael Cramer) smirk
Whats 10 long & digital? (Patrick Ryan) smirk, sexual, dick joke
Police stupidity (Chris Phoenix) smirk, sick
Dog joke (Scott McRae) chuckle
Its not the meat (Rouben Rostamian) funny, sexual
Election Day (ark@research.UUCP) chuckle
How wrong can a guy be? (Clifford Beshers) funny, sexual
Firing Squad (N. Amer Siddiqee) anti-ethnic, smirk
The Fireman (Stuart Freedman) smirk, sexual
Residency in New England (Stuart Freedman) political & state stereotypes, funny
Norwegian ambassador. (Bjorn Fahller TT/MLG) anti-norwegian, chuckle
Ask, and ye shall receive (Howard Stateman) chuckle, (mild) religious stereotype
When Johnny comes marching high (Frederick Wamsley) swearing, sexual, chuckle
Lettermans 10 New Slogans for Exxon: (Theodore John Swift) chuckle
Army (Michael Purvis) chuckle
Making it home (Sam Patton) sexual, sexual stereotypes, chuckle
College rejection letter (Brian Jay Gould) original, chuckle
High Steaks (Gabe M Wiener) offense=Memphis, chuckle
Still more East Block Humor (East Germany) (J. Daniel Smith) funny
A different Polish joke (Torsten Dahlkvist) funny
Condoms (potoole@maths.tcd.ie) sexual, chuckle
Hit the penny… (BOAG@MUVMS3.BITNET) sexual, smirk
Racists (Anthony Argyriou) anti-racist, racial stereotypes, chuckle
Freud on Seuss (Eric Hedstrom) chuckle, sexual
T Shirt Collection (Gord Armstrong) chuckle, some sexual or mildly offensive
Cory hits it big (Andrew P. Berman) chuckle
Oldie but coldie (Zeke Hoskin) sexual, chuckle
The doctor and the plumber (Douglas Ray) smirk
A matter of perspective (Alan Craig) chuckle
Told in the USSR Again (Amos Shapir) smirk
No New Taxes (Joe Miller) chuckle, original
Potentially offensive to English Shop Assistants (RM@praxa.com.au) anti-racist, chuckle
Memorial Day (Kevin R. Grazier) funny
This joke Quacks me up (John Fereira) meta-joke, chuckle, sexual?
Airline joke (LUPES@csi.compuserve.com) chuckle
Inquiry (Hans Buurman) sexual, chuckle
Zen and the Art of Bicycle Riding (c60c-3ds@WEB.Berkeley.EDU) funny
Last Margaliot Jokeline (A.R. PRUSS) funny, sexual, stereotypes
Safety (DEC Joke Exchange) sexual, chuckle
An object in motion… (Fearless Leader) chuckle
Aliens among us (Tim J Ihde) funny
Reincarnation (Bob & Doug McKenzie) original, smirk
Think ahead (Stan Szpakowicz) mild racial stereotype, chuckle
Eskimo (Tuna Ertemalp) chuckle, sexual
Endorsed by the Almighty (Glenn Cassidy) chuckle
Cricket match which is funnier than baseball (Anil Nair) chuckle
The hair o the dog . . . (Chris Landry DTN 227-3671) laugh
Romanians (Paul Abraham) chuckle
There were these two dogs… (Martin Hanley) smirk, sexual
99 Excuses For Skipping Out Of Work Early (Eric D. Hendrickson) chuckle
Cute Reading (john) chuckle
Collection of cute sayings. (Michael J. Irvin, WSU) chuckle
Cure for summer boredom (Howard,Robert L) chuckle
Like ships in the night (Graeme Cawsey) chuckle
Cremation. (potoole@maths.tcd.ie) chuckle
Regarding marshmallows (Jonathan D. Trudel) funny
The hardships of faith (Judah Greenblatt) offense=catholics, chuckle, original
Cereal Killers (John Juback) original, chuckle, offensive
A Paratroopers First Jump (Gary E. Piatt) explicit sexual, funny
Bear bells (Jon Waite, Seattle) chuckle
Appl. to live in West Virginia (Kathy Moore) regional stereotypes, chuckle
You get what you pay for (A.R. PRUSS) funny
Crass comment of the year (Kevin Braunsdorf) sick, chuckle
Potentially offensive to economists (Timothy Rolfe) smirk
Surgeon General (Richard Clark) chuckle, sexual
What is Socialism? (Frederick Wamsley) chuckle
Fund-raising humor (Chris Wood) smirk
Ireland forever (Peter Bell) heard it, chuckle
Up a creek (Gary Ericson) funny, smirk
You cant get there from here (Mark-Jason Dominus) chuckle
Lots of Loons around here now (Robert Hubbs) chuckle
Secret Code (Scott Bobo) chuckle, offense=north coast
Trains (Peter OToole) heard it, smirk
Seminarians (Michael Purvis) heard it, funny, sexual
Cowboy and the horse (Tuna Ertemalp) chuckle
And the beat goes on … (Mike Godfrey) chuckle
Wasted opportunity (A.R. PRUSS) stereotypes, chuckle, sexual
Joke culled from a recent trip to Poland (Andrew Malton) chuckle
Phone a loan (Alexander R. Pruss) sexual, funny
Halloween Costumes (Kenneth MacGregor) sexual, chuckle
A positive charge (John Lundberg) true, chuckle
Everything looks better with a fresh coat of paint… (Michael Horsch) heard it, funny
Birds of a feather…. (Dec Joke List) heard it, sexual, smirk
Nun of that here (Gerry Phibbs) heard it, sexual, funny
Its all in the service (David Moulton) chuckle, original
Virginia and W. Virginia (Steven H. Izen) sexual, offense=W. Virginians, smirk
A Childs View of Music (pdb059@mipl3.jpl.nasa.gov (Paul Bartholomew) funny
Parrot gets around (Chris PudANG) sexual, chuckle
Turn Over (James Pinakis) swearing, sexual, chuckle, sick
The Soviet phone system … (Chuck McManis) smirk
Political jokes (Harumi Anne Kuno) funny
Traveling salesman? (Bryan Wolf) chuckle
Kids in class (Keith Abbey) swearing, chuckle
Be careful what you leave on the bus. (Peter Young) sexual, chuckle
Mort Sahl on Alexander Haig (Andrew Tannenbaum) chuckle, true
Praise the Lord (jimk@fab4.UUCP) true, chuckle
Making a Selection (Paul Fuqua) chuckle
More than a mile for that camel (cs161fcz) laugh, sexual
Newspaper (mis?)advertisements (Jan Mark Noworolski) true, chuckle, sexual
Relativity (Amitabh Shah) sexual, funny, racial stereotypes
Airline Seatbelts (Gregg Fielding Hinderstein) true, chuckle
Birds and the Bees (Papyrus Development) sexual, funny,
Perestroika (Eran Gat) funny
A matter of perspective (Viswamitra T) sexual, smirk
Deathbed conversion (ark@research.att.com) religious stereotypes, smirk
Shit Happens in various religions (Stuart Freedman x1708) swearing, offense=religious, chuckle
Scholarly Shit Happens (David Poyourow) swearing, scatological, original, chuckle
Usenet Oracularities (Stephen Kinzler) original, funny, varies, usenet
Family tree (Geoff) smirk
Tax hikes in MA (John Robert LoVerso) chuckle, original
Friendly New York City (Chris Phoenix) funny
Twilight Zone Commercials (pa1129%sdcc13@ucsd.edu) original, chuckle
A giant tortoise. (Daniel J. Salomon) smirk

Decide which one you are.

Vain A person who loves the smell of his own farts
Amiable A person who loves the smell of other peoples farts
Proud A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine
Shy A person who releases silent farts and then blushes
Impudent A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs
Unfortunate A person who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead
Scientific A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution
Nervous A person who stops in the middle of his fart
Honest A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons
Dishonest A person who farts and then blames the dog
Foolish A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours
Thrifty A person who has several good farts in reserve
Anti-Social A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy
Strategic A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing
Unfortunate A person who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead
Sadistic A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate
Intellectual A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbors fart precisely the latest food item consumed
Athletic A person who farts at the slightest exertion
Miserable A person who would truly love to, but cant fart at all
Sensitive A person who farts and then starts crying

A blind man arrives at a lumber camp & asks for a job. The boss advises him due to the fact he is blind & lumber work is very dangerous there are no available postions. The blind man protests & advises the boss he is able to identify trees buy smell & could go out ahead of the cutting crew & mark whatever trees were to be cut that day.

The boss decides to give him a try & takes him out to the lumber yard outside. The first piece of wood he comes to he hands it to the blind man who then passes it under his nose & advises it Fir



The boss is impressed & picksup a second piece of wood.Again the blind man passes it under his nose & advises its Redwood. This continues all around the lumber yard & the blind man never makes a mistake. The secetary has seen this display & decides to throw a curve at this lumber expert. Taking a ruler she runs it between her legs & passes it to the foreman who inturn hands it to the blindman, he smells the ruler & appears confused, finally he advises he is not sure but its either Pussy Willow or a board off an Old Shit House.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and…soon he needs to take a leak. Hes standing at the urinal in the mens room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, I was in the mens room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock!

The bartender says, pointing, You mean those three guys at that table over there?

Yes, the man says, Theyre the ones.

Well, replies the bartender, those guys arent black. Theyre coal miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch.

On day four kids were playing on a slide and a genie appeared in they all stopped and huddled amongst them selves.

The genie said: The next time you go down the slide say somethig you want to land in and you will and at that the genie poofed up in smoke.

One by one they lined up to get their wishes.

The first kid said Lollies he slid down and he landed in lollies.

The next kid did the same but instead he said chips.

The third kid was still young and hadnt got the concept and just went down as usual and yelled Weee!

The fourth kid acciedentally bumped his knee and screamed Shit! before sliding down head first into it.

Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?

A: Ones a bike in a ditch, and the others…

There was a little boy and his grandfather going fishing one day. The little boy and grandfather were sitting there and his grandfather pulled out a pack and got a chew of tobacco. The little boy said grandpa can I have some of that he grandpa asks can ur dick touch ur ass he says no his grandpa says then u cant have any. Later on his grandpa pulls a beer out of his cooler and starts drinking it the little boy asks for some his grandpa says can ur dick touch ur ass he says no and his grandpa says u cant have any then. It was getting late into the day and they were both getting hungry and the little boy pulls out a bag of cookies and starts eatting them his grandpa asks for one the boy asks his grandpa can ur dick touch ur ass his grandpa says sure it can the little boy says good go fuck ur self grandma made these cookies for me.