A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the brides and grooms families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, Silence in court!

The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,


Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.

The judge says, OK.

Well, said Paddy, after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.

Shocked, the judge instantly responded, God, that must have hurt!

Hurt? Paddy replies. He broke three of my fingers!

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.

The bar tender freaks out. You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! Ill beat the shit out of you…

The man begins crying. Im sorry! Its ruining my life. I cant sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! Its worrying me to death, please dont hit me…

The bar tender takes pity. Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist,heres his card, why dont you see him?

The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous…

Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says, Okay, here you go… Wait! Werent you that guy who..

Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured.

Well, thats great. This beer is on the house.

So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses on the bar.

You bastard! I thought you said you were cured!

I am! It doesnt bother me anymore…

After reading Samathas joke I must say she

only told half the story! Mickey went to



divorce court. The judge turned to Mickey and



asked:So you want a divorce because you



think your wife is crazy?



No replied Mickey I didnt say she was



crazy! I said she was fucking Go

Once upon a time, there was a convention for toothbrush salesmen. When it came time to award the prize for the most toothbrushes sold for the past year, everyone was surprised by the salesperson who won. He was a shy, timid, retiring type, not your typical salesman at all.

Everyone was dying to know his secret, so he shared it with them.

I set up a booth, he says, in the mall. I have a stack of plates, a bowl of chips, a bowl of dip, and a bowl full of our toothbrushes.

When people walk by, I say would you like to try some chips? And would you like some dip with that?

No one passes up free food, so of course, I get lots of takers. After trying the dip, they ALWAYS say, This dip tastes like shit! And I say, It is. Would you like to buy a toothbrush???

Twas the night before Christmas,

and God it was neat





The kids were both gone,



and my wife was in heat





The doors were all bolted,



and the phone off the hook





It was time for some nooky,



by hook or by crook.





Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude



Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube





When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,



That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.





Up to the window I sprang like an elf,



Tore back the shade while she played with herself.





The moon on the crest of the snowman wed built,



Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.





When what to my wondering eyes should appear,



But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.





With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,



A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.





Sure as Im speaking, he was as high as a kite.



And he yelled to his team, but it didnt sound right.





Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole,



whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,



Either slow down this rig or Ill cut off your nuts.





Look out for the lamp post, and dont hit the tree,



Quit shaking the sleigh, cause I gotta go pee.





They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,



Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.





And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,



As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.





I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,



When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.





His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,



He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.





That was some brothel, he said with a smile,



The reindeer are pooped,



and Ill just stay here awhile.





He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,



Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.





I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,



The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.





Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,



But his toys were all gone,



and some new things were packed.





The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,



The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.





A box filled with condoms was Santas next find,



And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.





A bra without nipples, a penis extension,



And several other things that



I shouldnt even mention.





A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,



A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.





This suff aint for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,



So Ill leave em here, and then Ill just split.





He filled every stocking and then took his leave,



With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.





He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,



Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.





In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,



Take me home Rudolph, this nights been a bitch!





The sleigh was near gone when we



heard Santa shout,



The best thing about sex is that it



never wears out!

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
ship after a large evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the
captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman
above him he shouted:

Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the
young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that hed also shit in
your pants.

Bill Kennedy or bill@ssbn.WLK.COM

A blonde goes into a room full of vending machines and she has lots of loose change so she decides to geta can of juice so she puts the money in and gets a can….she then puts more money in and gets another can then more money and gets another can….a small queue has formed behind her by now and the man behind her asks her to hurry up so he can geta can of juice and the blonde turns around to the man and says will you fuck off im winning

Q – Why do elephants travel in herds?

A – Because is they traveled in flocks they might be mistaken for sheep.

Q – What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill?

A – Look, here comes the elephants!

Q – What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill wearing sun glasses?

A – Nothing – she didnt recognize them.

Q – How can you tell if there is an elephant in bed with you?

A – By the giant E on its pyjamas.

Q – How can you tell if an elephant has crawled under the bed during the night?

A – You are currently having an intimate relationship with the ceiling.

Q – How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your backyard?

A – If all your trashcan liners are missing.

Q – Why does an elephant have four feet?

A – Because 8 inches isnt enough!

Q – Where do elephants have their sex organs?

A – In their feet – If an elephant steps on you, youre fucked!

Q – Why did the Elephant cross the road?

A – Because it was handcuffed to the chicken.

The teacher says, Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Todays word is beautiful.

Little Sally, would you please come up here and use beautiful in a sentence?

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Teacher says, Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.

Teacher says, Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, its your turn.

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.

Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, My name is Larry and I am a SNAG.

Another guy says, Whats that?

The first guy says, That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.

Another one says, My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

A girl asks, Whats that?

He says, That means I am a Double Income, No Kids.

A lady says, Thats nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE.

Larry says, A WIFE? Whats a WIFE?

She says, That means, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.