Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddys hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic nature honeymoon.

He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,
Billy Joe, be gentle, I air never been with a man bfore.

WHAT?
shouts Billy Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head. Billy Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes and races out the door, into his truck…
down the mountain…
straight to his parents house… rushes inside screaming,
Hey Daddy! Paw! Git up!’

His father rushes downstairs and gasps,
Billy Joe, whatre you doin here?

Billy Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps,
Well, Betty-Sue and I was in the cabin and she toll me she aint never been with a man afore… sos I rushed outta there an lit back here quick as I could.

His father grasps Billy Joes shoulder in reassurance and says,
Son, ya done the right thing. Iffin she aint goodnuff fer her family, she shure as shit aint goodnuff fer ours!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf., says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf., says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf., taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams…
Will you fuck off, Im trying to take a shit!

There was this guy at the patent office counter and said, I want to patent this Peach.

The clerk asked,Whats so special about your peach?

The guy said, taste it, so he did. He told the guy it taste like a peach, so what? He then said, turn it around! The clerk took a bite and said,wow, this tastes like an apple! You have your Patent!

Then the next guy walks up and said,I want to patent this cookie!

The clerk said,now what is so special about your cookie?

In return the guy said, It tastes like a womans snatch!

The clerk said I gotta try this so he took a bite. He then said, Oh man, this tastes like shit!

The man at the counter said, Turn it around!

The bear looks at the rabbit and says,Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?

The rabbits says,No…



So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

A guy goes to the drug store and asked for 99 condoms. The guy at the counter said, Fuck me, thats a lot of condoms!

The guy buying them said, In that case, better make it 100.

How are daughters boyfriends like cockroaches?

They hang around the kitchen and its hard to get rid of them!

Combatting stupidity
You too can do housework
PMS – Learning when to keep your mouth shut
How to fill an ice tray
We dont want sleazy underthings for X-mas… Give us money
Understanding the female response to you coming in at drunk at 4:00am
wonderful laundry techniques (formally titled Dont wash my silks)
Parenting – no, it doesnt end with conception
Get a life – learn to cook
How not to act like an asshole when youre obviously wrong
Spelling – even you can get it right
Understanding your financial incompetence
You – the weaker sex
Reasons to give flowers
How to stay awake after sex
Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but in the washroom
Garbage – getting it to the curb
You can fall asleep without it if you really try
The morning dilemma – if its awake, take a shower
Ill wear it if I damn well please
How to put the toilet lid down
Give me a break! – Why we know your excuses are bullshit
The weekend and sports are not synonyms
How to go shopping with your mate without getting lost
The remote control – overcoming your dependence
Romanticism – other ideas besides sex
Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes
Mothers-in-laws – they are people too
How not to act younger than your children
You too can be a designated driver
Male bonding – leaving your friends at home
Honest, you dont look like Mel Gibson – especially when naked
Changing your underwear – it really works
The attainable goal – Omitting %$#@+! from your vocabulary
Fluffing the blankets after farting is not neccessary

Two guys out hunting and they just shot a deer. As theyre walking up to it, the one hunter says, Man. Do I have to take a dump. So, the other hunter says, While I start gutting the deer, why dont you take a dump next to them bushes.

Good idea, be right back.



So the guy walks over next to some bushes and squats down.



Meanwhile his buddy slices open the deer and throws the guts over his shoulder, landing them next to his buddy, unbeknownst to him.



About an hour later, the guy gutting the deer says to his friend, Hey, you okay?



The guy taking a dump says, Well, I took a shit over in the bushes like you told me, and I shit my guts out. BUT, with a sharp stick and a little of gods luck, I got them all back in!

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Atlanta noticed a beautiful woman sitting
next to him. He thought to himself, Wow, shes so gorgeous she must be a flight
attendant. But which airline does she work for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan, Love
to fly and it shows?

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, Ooh
shit, she doesnt work for Delta. A moment later, another slogan popped into
his head. He leaned towards her again, Something special in the air?

She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next
he tried the United slogan, I would really love to fly your friendly skies?

This time the woman turned on him, What the fuck do you want?

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said… Ahhh, Finnair!

Two buddies were speeding through the great state of Alabama when to their surprise, out pops a state trooper and pulls them over. The state trooper approaches the driver side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The driver rows the window down. The state trooper smacks him on the back of the head and ask for license and registration. The trooper then proceeds to write him a ticket and has the driver sign it. But, just before leaving, the trooper walks around to the passenger side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The passenger rows the window and smack the trooper goes upside his head. The passenger says, What was that for?

The trooper says, Just making all your dreams come true! The passenger confused and dazed says, what? Trooper replies, when you get down the road there a ways youre going to say to your buddy,I wish he would have tried that shit with me!