There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it. So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?

He says No, why? You got someone lined up for me? You might say that. Why dont you take me to the prom?

Take you? You kidding? Youre my sister! Well, are you taking somebody else out?

You know I dont have a date, Sis. And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, dont we? Her brother nods. She continues, So we should go with each other.

The brother cant see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he will take her to the prom. Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that hell take her to the prom on Friday.

At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that his sister talked him into taking her. Then, while hes standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.

Hey, brother, lets dance.

He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. Look, Sis, this is the Senior Prom, okay? Im not going to dance with my own sister at the prom, okay?

Dont be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why cant you dance with your sister?

Oh . . . all right.

So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after a while its over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.

In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at him and says, Lets not go straight home.

He gives her a curious look and says, What are we going to do instead?

Oh, I dont know. Just drive around.

He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the country, she looks over at him again and says Want to find some place to park?

Hell, he says, are you crazy? Youre my sister, Im not going parking with you!

Who said anything about going parking? Lets just pull over somewhere and talk for a while, okay? Its been a busy year for both of us– how long has it been since weve had a chance to talk to each other?

So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks over at him again.

Hey . . . she says.

What?

Why dont you kiss me?

Youve been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that? Im not going to kiss you, youre my sister! And he reached for the ignition switch to start the car.

She reached out and took his hand. I know Im your sister. Youve mentioned that a lot lately. And youre my brother. And dont we love each other? Why shouldnt we kiss if we feel like it? She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing, she whispered in his ear, Come on. Lets do it.

Do what, said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister had in mind.

You know what, his sister replied.

I cant do that with you, youre my. . . His voice trailed off.

While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, You know, youre a lot lighter than Dad.

I know, said her brother. Mom told me.

Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnnys test again?

Jeff: But how did you know?

Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down I dont know. And you put down Me neither.

The little camel went to his mother and asked, Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?

She looked on him lovingly and replied, You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and theres sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we dont get lost.



Oh! he said. And why do we have such huge feet?



Well, she said, they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes.



Wow, he said, great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?



You see, his mother informed, we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?



Well, mother, said the young camel, I was just wondering, if weve got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?

C: Dos

C: Dos RUn

Run Dos Run

It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs.

As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, Lord, Im sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me Lord, please make that bear a Christian.



Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastors feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, God, bless this food which I am about to receive.

Man: Havent I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours and Ill go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: Im a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, whats your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, Id die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, Id probably die laughing.

Youre right; were billing way too much for this.
Bet you I can go a week without saying synergy or value-added.
How about paying us based on the success of the project?
This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.
Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.
I dont know enough to speak intelligently about that.
Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.
I cant take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.
The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.
Everything looks okay to me.

(Order): Is each here? Does each have his opposite?

(Chaos): I am here, but my opposite is you.

(Order): Huh?

(Evil): Dont let him bug ya. Were here.

(Truth): My opposite is not here.

(Good): Is your opposite Lies?

(Truth): My opposite is Void. He couldnt make it.

(Evil): )snicker( Figures!

(Order): Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!

(Evil): Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!

(Good): I have the cards.

(Evil): Ive got the chips.

(Truth): I have the beer.

(Chaos): I have the cards!

(Order): Shut up.

…

(Order): Whose deal is it?

(Evil): Do ya gotta ask that EVERY time?

(Truth): It is Goods deal.

(Good): OK, five card draw … uh, everything is wild.

(Evil): How can anyone win if everything is wild?

(Good): No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if …

(Order): I like this game.

(Evil): This is pointless.

(Truth): It is time to deal.

(Good): Here we go! Your bet, Truth.

(Truth): Five.

(Order): Five and raise you five.

(Evil): Dont you morons get it? It doesnt matter how much you bet!

(Order): I like ten better.

(Evil): )sigh( Call.

(Chaos): I fold.

(Evil): YOU CANT LOSE!

(Chaos): I still fold.

(Good): OK, Ill call. How many, Truth?

(Evil): Whats the point in taking more cards?

(Truth): I will keep the cards I have.

(Order): I will take two.

(Evil): Why?!?

(Order): I didnt like those.

(Evil): None for me.

(Chaos): Ill take six.

(Good): Sorry, you folded. Dealer keeps his. Bets?

(Evil): Oh, just get this over with.

(Order): But now we have to bet!

(Evil): Any money you put in, youre just gonna get back!

(Truth): I am in agreement with Evil. Let us show our cards.

(Truth): I have five aces.

(Order): I have five ace of spades.

(Chaos): I have a three.

(Good): Please be quiet. I also have five aces. We all win.

(Evil): Hold it, bub. Six aces, readem and weep.

(Good): Where did you get that card?

(Truth): He stole it from Chaos.

(Evil): You know the rules, boys. The pots mine.

(Good): That was a stupid game.

(Order): Whose deal is it?

(Truth): The dealer progression is opposite the deal. Chaos deals.

(Chaos): Whee!

(all but Chaos): )groan(

(Chaos): Eleven card stud-holdem with threes, eights, jacks, and kings wild…fives count as fours, fours count as nines, and queens dont count unless there is a prime numbered spade showing …

(Order): I fold …

[from rec.humor.funny.reruns. Written by Brian Cash (bcash@nortel.ca), and originally appeared in talk.bizarre]

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says,

Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, Would you like to dance?

The girl says, I dont like this song, but even if I did, I wouldnt dance with you!

The guy says, Im sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!