A rabbi went to a hotel.It was the only hotel in the town, and they had only a room available,


but it was kept for a priest, since a week before.


Entering the hotel, the priest hears the rabbi


insisting for a room, approach him and politely


propose him to share the room.There were two beds,


so it was enough space for both.Finely, the rabbi


agrees and they slept in the same room that night.


In the morning the priest say to the rabbi:You


know,I had a very strange dream last night.I dreamed I was in the jewish heaven.It was


almost dark, the streets were dirty,the people


were very poor dressed and they ate some soup


every day, oh, my god,it was terrible!


The rabbi say:That is odd,because last


night I dreamed I was in the christian heaven.


It was wonderful, the sky was so blue, and the grass was green,the birds were singing happy songs,there were rivers of milkn honey,the trees


were full of tasty fruits, but it was ABSOLUTELY NOBODY IN THERE

Whats six inches long and guaranteed to give British Jewish women pleasure?


A ten pound note

A Jewish salesman was selling a car and saw a jew pass by. He went to the jew and said would you like to by this car it is a special car. It is voice activated when you say barouch hashem the car starts and when you say hashem achad the car stops. The jew did not belive the salesman. The salesman told the jew to test out the car. amazingly when the jew said barouch hash the car started and when he said hashem achad it stopped. The jew was so amazed and bought the car.


The next day the jew was driving along and everything was going great. Suddenly from all the exitment of the car the jew relised that he was headed for an unfinished bridge. cought up in the moment the jew forgot what to say to turn off the car. he didnt know how to stop and thought he would die. He than decided to say the shemah. Right as he was about to fall off he said the word hashem achad. suddenlt the car came to a complete stop. the man couldnt believe what had happened. He couldnt believe he was saved, and so he said barouch hashem…..

you may be a redneck if your a rabbi standing in front of everyone just a fartin and laghin while everyone is holding there nose

1.


Q: What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?


A: Genghis Cohen.

2.


Q: What did they call the new Jewish-Japanese restaurant?


A: So-Sue-Mi.

3.


Q: Define: Genius


A: A C student with a Jewish mother.

4.


Q: Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?


A: They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!

5.


Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world.


They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.

A traveller in a strange town found that his watch stopped.

He happened to see a door with a big clock hanging outside, so he stepped in.

An elderly Jewish man attended him and he explained that his watch needed fixing.

The elderly man said I am sorry, sir I cannot help you, I am a mohel not a watchmaker

The man replied, surprised If you are a mohel why do you hang a clock outside your door? The mohel replied Well, if you were a mohel, what would YOU hang outside your door?

Two little boys were in a hospital ward next to each other. One asked the other What are you here for? The other answered, I am going to have my tonsils out The first boy reassured him Thats okay I had that done a few years ago, you dont feel a thing and you get lots of ice cream after. The other boy then asked What are you here for? The first boy said I need to have a cicumcison. The other one sighed and said Thats tough, I had that done when I was seven days old and I could not walk for a year!

As was the custom in the small town, the new student at the Yeshiva was invited to the richest merchants home for Friday night dinner. The new student was tall and handsome, the merchant had a pretty daughter, so as the Friday nights passed by, the glances between the young people got bolderand more passionate. When their love could no longer be ignored, the pappa invited the young student to his study for an after dinner liquor and conversation.

The pappa asked What are your intentions towards my daugter?


The student replied, Sir, I love your daughter and wish to marry her!


The pappa asked How do you intend to keep her in the style to which she is accustomed?


The student replied Sir, I will study very hard and the good Lord will provide


The pappa then asked again, But what will you do when the children arrive?


The student replied Sir, I will study even harder and the good Lord will surely provide.


So after the conversation ended, the mamma cornered the pappa and asked Nu, so how did it go?


The pappa answered Well, there is good news and bad news


So tell me said the mamma.


Well said the pappa The bad news is that he hasnt a penny to his name


So what is the good news? asked the mamma.


The pappa replied The good news is that he thinks that I am the good Lord!

An Israeli man goes to his doctor for a problem he is having. After the doctor examines him, the doctor says:

There are two different opinions on how best to treat you. Im convinced you need a triple bypass heart operation. However, Kupat Holim policy says that all you need to do is rub this tube of salve, which costs 14 shekels, on your chest.

During the Great Depression, two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they happen by a Baptist Church. They see a big sign posted that says, join our church and you get fifty dollars.

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, Murray, whats going on?

Abe, replies Murray, Im thinking of doing it.

Abe says, What are you, crazy?

Murray thinks for a minute and says, Abe, Im going to do it. The kids need shoes and I have to put food on the table. With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out an hour later with a wet forehead.

So, asks Abe, did you get your fifty dollars?

Murray looks up at him and says, Is that all you people think of?