Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? The other replied, Yes I am, I married the wrong man.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then hes finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelors degree and the woman gets her masters.

A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, I dont know, son, Im still paying.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesnt know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.

Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice.

It doesnt matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends Up with the same boss.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

A woman was telling her friend , It is I who made my husband a millionaire. And what was he before you married him. Asked the friend. The woman replied, A billionaire.

God says to Adam, What would you like in a wife? Hmmm, says Adam, Id like her to be the most beautiful creature in the world. Id like her to do whatever I tell her to. Id like he to work hard, be smart, enjoy being with me. Hmmmm, God says, I can do it, but itll cost you an arm and a leg. Oh, says Adam, Well what can I get for a rib?