Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
Im a big girl I wont cry,
Im just glad that cows dont fly.
20
Jul
20
Jul
In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were a
brunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy.
The second race was the Breast Stroke…the order of finish was:
The brunette came in first, the redhead second,… but wait, where was
the blonde??? She was still racing!
When she got to the finish line…she said THEY CHEATED!!
The Judge said how??
The dumb blonde screamed…THEY USED THEIR ARMS!
20
Jul
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things. Well, the doctor replied, go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesnt reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that well get an idea about the severity of her deafness.
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, Honey, whats for dinner? He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, Honey, whats for dinner? She replies, For the fourth time, vegetable stew!
19
Jul
Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while theyre arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.
19
Jul
19
Jul
Llega el papá de Pepito a la casa y encuentra a la mamá, quien le reprocha que éste habÃa tenido su primera relación sexual.
El papá se lleva a Pepito al cuarto para felicitarlo, lejos de la mamá, y le dice:
Ese es mi tigre, campeón, y ¿cuándo lo haces de nuevo?
Cuando se me mejore el culo, papá.
19
Jul
You Know Youre a Programmer When …
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D….
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says If you dont turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!, and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number…
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that youre doing the math in octal.
When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.
19
Jul
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, I am Napoleon!
Another one said, How do you know?
First inmate answers, Winston Churchill told me!
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, I did NOT!
19
Jul
* You consider McDonalds real food
* You actually like doing laundry at home
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends
* It starts getting late on the weeknights
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
* Youd rather clean than study
* Half the time you dont wake up in your own bed and it seems normal
* Computer Solitaire is more than a game its a way of life
* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps
* You go to sleep when its light and get up when its dark
* You live for getting mail (E-mail included)
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment
* Prank phone calls become funny again
* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on
* World War III could take place and youd be clueless
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime
* You find out milk crates had so many uses
* Wal-mart is the coolest store
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday
* You are sitting around making lists about how you know youve been in college too long
19
Jul
A Code of Honor: Never approach a friends girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless shes really attractive. — Bruce Friedman