NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like psychological profile and polygraph test) as required.——————————————————-
Name:___________________________Date of Birth:______________________
Height:____________ Weight:____________ I.Q.___________ GPA:_________
Social Security Number:___________________ Drivers License #:____________
Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________
Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________
State:____________________________ Zip Code:_______________________ How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________ 2 miles?___________________
Do you own a (A)Van?____ (B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ (C)Waterbed?_____
Do you have an earing, nose ring or belly button ring?__________ Tatoo?_________
NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the
application process and leave the premises!In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?__________________________
_________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DONT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?__
_________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?__________________
_________________________________________________________________
Church you Attend:___________________ How often do you attend?____________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.
(That means I wont tell anyone, ever)
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________.
If I were beaten, the last bone I wou
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, Im sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.
Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH! she screamed.
Funny, he muttered, you even sound exactly like her.
Wanna hear a clean joke? Joe played with Bubbles!!! Wanna hear a dirty joke?? Bubbles was the girl next door!!!
Un borracho está buscando una fiesta y ve una casa con mucha gente afuera. Entra y dice gritando:
Tres hurra por el santo.
Caballero, esto no es un cumpleaños sino un velorio, le recrimina una señora.
Mirando el cajón del difunto, el beodo contesta:
Ah, ya me parecÃa muy grande la torta.
Did you here about the lucky fisherman??
He married a gal with WORMS.
Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma. – Chris Jarocha-Ernst
Did you hear the one about the Indian who slept in the hotel lobby because
he didnt have a reservation?
You dont have to swim faster than the shark,
just faster than the guy next to you.
An Irishman, Englishman andScotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands themover, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.The Englishman looksdisgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.The Scotsman picks out thefly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.The Irishman reaches in tothe glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit itout, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Blonde secretarys memo to her boss:
TO: My Boss
FROM: Blondie
SUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2K
I hope that I havent misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant.
Your loyal secretary!