07
Jun

Crime=Idiots=Dont Pay!

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thiefs description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, Yeah, thats the woman I robbed.

Elsewhere…

In Nashville, they tell of Fred Bubba Johnson, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

Meanwhile…

In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldnt get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldnt fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran — but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall… Unplugging it, he tried again, but a regular diner decked him and called police.

And…

In Rhode Island, cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts proceeded to pay his $400 bail…entirely in quarters.

Stranger yet….

Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. When asked about his choice of attire, he said hed stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable. . .

In the Heartland…

Lawrence, Kansas – Officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes. . .

And Finally. . .

In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid I.D. in a 7-Eleven robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said Cedar Woods Apartments and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front. . .

07
Jun

Just One… Boomer Esiason.

Just One… Boomer Esiason.

07
Jun

Practice Makes Perfect

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

06
Jun

Youve ever been arrested for

Youve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.

Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.

Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.

06
Jun

Un tipo estaba en la

Un tipo estaba en la parada del autobus temprano en la mañana y en eso pasa otro en bicicleta y le grita:

¡Cornudo!

El tipo mira hacia todos lados pensando que no era con él y no se inmuta mucho.

Al otro día ocurre lo mismo, pero ya el tipo comienza a molestarse pues en su vida había visto al de la bicicleta.

Al tercer dia decide cambiarse de lugar en la parada para ver si era una coincidencia, pero el de la bicicleta despues de mirar bien a la parada da otra vuelta y le grita:

¡Cornudo!.

El tipo no puede más, regresa a la casa y le reclama a su esposa que hay uno que le esta diciendo que es cornudo. La esposa se derrite en explicaciones, pues ella no sabe por que le grita ese hombre. El marido enfurecido la amenaza con matarla y la esposa le suplica y le asegura que ella es inocente. Después de una acalorada discusion finalmente se calman los ánimos.

Al día siguiente el tipo vuelve a irse a la parada. En eso pasa el de la bicicleta y le grita:

¡CORNUDO… Y CHISMOSO!

06
Jun

Knock Knock Whos there? Scissor! Scissor who? Scissor and

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Scissor!
Scissor who?
Scissor and Cleopatra!

06
Jun

How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, sorority girls dont screw in light bulbs, they screw in puddles of vomit.

06
Jun

Did you hear about the

Did you hear about the guy who thought asphalt was a rectal problem?

06
Jun

Anecdotes on old institutions

-From: credmond@watmath.waterloo.edu (Chris Redmond)

In article <1882@disuns2.epfl.ch> riese@litsuns1.epfl.ch (Marc Riese) writes:

I agree that The Bay is a very special company for Canada for its long and
colourful history, but I think its a youngster in comparison to certain
European companies (although I couldnt name one). I remember hearing a story
of an American company negotiating a business deal with a Swedish steel
company. In the proposition sent to Europe, the American company mentioned
some reliability concerns and asked for proof that they could count on
the Swedish company still being there in a year. In a terse letter, the
Swedish firm replied that since they had existed more than four times the
age of the USA, they didnt see why they would not be there the next year…

Comparable anecdote #1: At the 350th anniversary celebrations of
Harvard University, one speaker said, Harvard is intimately bound
up with the history and culture of the United States–an innovation
in which we have taken considerable interest.

Comparable anecdote #2: Someone has calculated that there are in Europe
26 (this number is my best recollection of what was said) organizations
that have been in continuous existence for at least five hundred years:
the Parliament at Westminster, the Althing (parliament) of Iceland, the
Roman Catholic Church, and 23 universities.

-From: brad@looking.on.ca (Your Editor)

Anecdote #3, told by Greg Benford: At an Oxford college, they were
debating what to do with all their money. The consensus was to buy land,
since for the past thousand years, land has proven to be a very wise
investment for the college.

The crusty old patriarch piped in, True, but the past thousand years have
been atypical.

06
Jun

trip to hawaii

A man is walking on the beach and he spots a bottle. He rubs the bottle and a genie comes out. The genie says Im too tired of granting 3 wishes…this time you only get one, What will it be? The man say Well ive always wanted to go to hawaii but since I can;t afford a plane ticket can you build me a bridge from california to hawaii. The genie say Well thats way to difficult for , you know the construction workers and all that. Make another wish. The man says Ok so my other wish is ……Well Ive always wanted to understand women .you know like what they are feeling and there emotions. So the genie say So about the bridge..2 lanes or 4?