First, I was going to tell you about the wooden car that I built, with a wooden engine, but it wooden go.
Then, I built it out of steel, but it steel wooden go.
Finally, I built it out of tin; now it tin go!
I even put Italian tires on it. Dago through rain, dago through mud, dago through snow.
But, when dago flat, dago Wop, Wop, Wop!
Womens version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! Thats so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasnt sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you dont think its too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, its perfect. Id love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. Im pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh – thats funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Mens version:
Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.
A.When he has a new car.
B.When he has a new wife.
A: Three, but theyre really only one.
A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world, she boasted. The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.
What a diamond!
How lucky you are!
Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel, said the diamonded lady, Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous Lipshitz curse!
The ladies buzzed and tsked, And whats the Lipshitz curse?
Lipshitz, sighed the lady.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Jagger!
Jagger who!
Jaggerd edge!
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
This speaks a lot about the Japanese quality standards and also cultural misunderstandings.
Theyre still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.
Q: How many Buffalonians does it take to screw a in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get the new bulb out of the snowbank, and one to screw it in.
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again.