Old and New Jokes

Estaba Pepito en un colegio de monjas y hablaba con un amigo y le decia deseo ver a una niña y platicar con ella. Como el colegio tenia una barda grande donde separaban a los niños de las niñas, Pepito muy astuto hizo un paqueño orificio y veía a través de él todas las tardes a Rosita sentada debajo de un árbol.

En una de esas veces que la veia, Pepito decidió brincar la barda, pero ésta tenía un alambre con púas, además que era muy alta. Pepito agarró valor y decidió enfrentar ese paligro por tal de ver y conversar con esa niña. Finalmente pasó al otro lado y se acercó a la niña y le dice:

¡Cómo te llamas!

Rosita, pero me quitaron el ita al entrar al colegio. ¿Y tu como tellamas?

Pepito, pero me dicen Pe.

¿Y el pito?

El pito lo dejé en la barda por venir a verte.

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.

They both decided it was time to get married.



So Little Johnny went to Susies dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

Where will you live? asked Susies dad, thinking this was cute.

Well, said Little Johnny, I figured I could just move into Susies room. Its plenty big for both of us.



And how will you live?

I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.

That should be enough.



Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,

Susies dad asked, And what if little ones come along?



Well, said Little Johnny, weve been lucky so far

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put some boogie in it!

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,

Are you ready to order? Clinton replies, Yes, Id like a

quickie!

A quickie?!? the waitress replies. Sir, given the past

situation of your personal life I dont think that is a good idea.

Ill come back when you are ready to order from the menu! She walks

away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, Its pronounced Quiche.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on! daddys lap.

Have you ever smelled mothballs????

I was just wondering how you would get their little legs open!!!!

Outside a dog, a book is a great companion.
Inside a dog, its pretty dark!

I heard these somewhere:

Minnie and Max had been married for 18 years. As Minnie grew
older and less attractive, Max became disinterested and his
libido started to wane dramatically. In desperation, Minnie
hauled him before a marriage counselor. The marriage counselor
listened patiently to Minnies complaints and to Maxs
protestations. Max said he was being nagged unmercifully
Minnie said that Max was causing her anguish.

Finally the marriage counselor issued a verdict. Max, he said,
from now on, no matter how you feel, you must give Minnie her
conjugal rights at least semi-annually.

Minnie was delighted and they left the counselors chambers.
On the way downstairs she nudged Max, Tell me Max, how many
times a week is semi-annually?

Deep in the Tennessee hills, a farmers mule kicked his mother-in-law
to death. An enormous crowd of men turned out for the funeral.
The minister, examining the crowd outside the church, commented
to a farmer friend, This old lady must have been mighty popular.
Just look how many people left their work to come to her funeral.

Theyre not here for the funeral, snickered the friend.
Theyre here to buy the mule.

The jet plane started to rattle. Quickly, the pilot turned northward. As soon as they crossed the border into Scotland, everything tightened up.