Dos maricones se encuentran en la calle después de no haberse visto en mucho tiempo:
¡Manita, qué milagro que te dejas ver! ¿Dónde te habÃas metido?
¡Qué te cuento, estuve un mes engranada!
¿En Granada, España?
¡No, mensa, engranada de la cola!
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Quit while your still behind.
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
But did you know that:
660 Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666 Number of the Millibeast
/ 666 Beast Common Denominator
666 ^ (-1) Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 Binary of the Beast
6, uh… what was that number again?
Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 Area code of the Beast
00666 Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now!
Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
$665.95 Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 Price of the Beast with all accessories and
replacement soul
$656.66 Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 Next weeks Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 Way of the Beast
666 F Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell
National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6 Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 CPU of the Beast
666i BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised)
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333 The semi-Christ
665.9997856 The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
999 The inverted beast
Heard this one last night:
A man walks into an auto parts store and says
Id like a rear view mirror for my Yugo.
The man behind the counter thinks about this for
a while, then says, Yup, seems like a fair trade to
me.
I owe this gem to my younger daughter.
There was a friar who decided to open a florist shop to help raise money for his church. The shop was an instant success. But the friar grew to like being a florist and spent less and less time at his church and more and more time at the florist shop.
The church protested and asked the friar to spend less of his time at the shop. But the friar wouldnt listen and now spent all of his time at the florist shop. Hed grown very fond of being a florist.
The church decided to act. So Hugh the Ogre was sent to the friar. Hugh the Ogre placed a very powerful spell on the friar and the friar, accordingly, returned to the church.
The moral of the story is – are you ready for this? – only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A beggar walked
up to a woman who was just about to go into a coffee shop and exclaimed,
"Lady, I havent eaten in a week."
"Wow!" exclaimed the woman, "I wish I had your will power."
You might be a redneck if…
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Yall Doin?" (If they respond with the same… theyre a redneck too!)
This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one scredriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Jokes Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your Internet Service Provider (GOD).
If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this list, you will need to find the mailhost. This is a machine usually located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver a box of diskettes with that days mail messages, including yours from this list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the mailhost. The reason why this machine is locked up is because this is typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys dont want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the tools needed?).
find the ON/OFF switch for this machine. Using the pliers, set the switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards until the disposable plastic switch breaks away from the computer casing. Discard the disposable plastic switch in an environmental-friendly manner. This will alert the mailman to not deliver the diskettes with the messages to the mailhost not unlike the little red flag found on mailboxes. This should resolve your mail problem immediately.
You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 hours. If this should happen, you will need to disable the mailhost once again with more forceful measures. Repeat Step #2. Dont be suprised if there is a sturdier door in place than the one you destroyed previously. This is due to the fact that the Have Key clique found out that someone has seen their private stash of computer equipment.
After you have once again regained entry into the mailhost room, open up the back of the mailhost. There may be a large tv-like device on top of the mailhost You will need to remove this first. Take your wire cutters, and cut any cables binding the tv-like device to the mailhost. Set the tv-like device to the side. With your screwdriver, remove each and every screw that you can find on the mailhost. Once this is done, the mailhost should break away into two or more pieces.
Find a large box with a fan attached to it. It will be clearly marked with the following labels: Danger, High Voltage, Do not open – no user-servicable parts. Dont worry, these labels are merely in place to satisfy OSHA requirements and you are not in any danger at all. Take the bucket of saline water and pour it into any vents or ports that the large box may have. Any extra water should be poured directly into the computer chassis, be sure to properly soak each and every component.
In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right on occassion), douse any flames with the sani-wipes. This solution is provided without warranty. It is not bio-degradable or fat-free. In the event of sudden death, contact a physician immediately.