Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?
A: A man without a clue.
27
May
27
May
Un tipo va en una visita guiada a una fábrica que produce diferentes productos de látex. En la primera parada le muestran la máquina que fabrica los chupetes de los biberones. La máquina hace un ruidoso Hishhh-Pop, Hishhh-Pop, Hishhh-Pop.
El Hishhh es el caucho que es inyectado en el molde, explica la guÃa. El Pop es la aguja que crea un agujero en el extremo del chupete.
Más adelante, el viaje alcanza la parte de la fábrica donde se hacen los profilácticos (condones). Aquà la máquina hace un Hishhh, Hishhh, Hishhh, Hishhh-Pop.
¡Espere un minuto!, dice nuestro visitante. Entiendo cual es el Hishhh Hishhh Hishhh, pero ¿qué es ese Pop tan a menudo?
Oh, es lo mismo que en la máquina de los chupetes de biberón: crea un agujero cada cuatro condones.
Pero… eso, ¡es una mariconada!
Efectivamente, pero… ¡Es buenÃsimo para el negocio de los chupetes!
27
May
Whats Really Going To Happen At The Year 2000:
99 Bottles of Beer song gets stuck in an infinite loop
At the stroke of midnight on 12/31/1999, Windows 99* turns back into DOS 1.0; the Pentium* V turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a beautiful glass mouse.
Internet Movie Database now lists 1901: A Space Odyssey.
Bob Doles age erroneously listed with only two digits.
Sales of Coca-Cola jump drastically after original cocaine-laden formula becomes legal again.
Software engineers point out that since computers think its almost 1900, we technically have to party like its 1899 (which, frankly, doesnt seem like that much fun).
Microsoft declares the year 1900 to be the new standard of the Gatesian Calendar.
Jesus shows up late for His Second Coming; blames it on COBOL programmers.
Using a computerized adoption service, Michael Jackson mistakenly takes home some octogenarians.
Unexpected demand for COBOL programmers results in severe personnel shortage at McDonalds restaurants.
27
May
I finished the Oreos.Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds.Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!I sure hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever!Well, couldnt they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl.Darned if you aint about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt.Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!Im jealous! Why cant men experience the joy of childbirth?Are your ankles supposed to look like that?Get your *own* ice cream.Geez, youre awfully puffy looking today.Got milk ?Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!You dont have the guts to pull that trigger…
27
May
What do the Pope and the Rams both appearing in the St. Louis Trans World Dome have in common?
They both feature 3 million people saying Jesus Christ!
27
May
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton
Adult Bookstore
27
May
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, …. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, The sky is falling, the sky is falling! The teacher paused then asked the class, And what do you think that farmer said?One little girl raised her hand and said,
I think he said: Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken! The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
27
May
Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system Windows 2000 will be delayed until the second quarter of
1901.
27
May
Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him When will peace return to my country ? God answered
You can never see peace in your country during your life timeSaddam wept bitterly and walked away.
Nawaz Sharif approached God
When can I see a united Pakistan (with Kashmir) ?God said
You can never annex Kashmir during your life timeSharif wept bitterly and walked away.
Next our Laloo Prasad Yadav approached God When will Bihar become a civilized state ?
God wept bitterly and said
I can never see that happening even during MY life time
27
May
You might be a redneck if…
Your house doesnt have curtains, but your truck does.