It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out so she kept putting money in it, and since it was a hot day a line had formed behind her.Finally the man behind her said, Will you hurry up were all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde turned around and said, No way. Im still winning."
18
May
17
May
Llegó un circo al pueblo y traÃa como centro de espectáculo al pan que habla. ¡SensacionalÃsomoooo, el pan que habla!
La gente se preguntaba y admiraba decÃan, Oh, ¿un pan que habla? tendremos que ir a verlo.
Llegó la hora del espectáculo y después de presentar a la mujer manguera (mangos, mangos, a la orden los mangos), a los elefantes (choco choco crispi, choco chocolate), al puma (Amalia, Amalia, Amalia, Amalia Rosa esa es la que yo me llevo, esa es la que yo me llevo por ser la más buena moza), llegó el esperado, el único, el espectacular, el increible PAN QUE HABLA.
En ese momento el anunciador pide que una muchacha del público colabore. De inmediato introducen un horno muy grande y dice el anunciador, Ahora con ustedes EL PAN QUE HABLA.
y sacaron un pan del horno. El anunciador pide a la muchacha que le meta el dedo al pan, ella le mete el dedo al pan y lo saca de inmediato. El anunciador le pregunta, ¿Cómo está el pan, duro o blando?
Blando.
¡Bravo, aplausos, EL PAN ESTA HA BLANDO!
17
May
Santa Claus is Wielding a Gun
(to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town)
Oh, you better watch out
You better not pry
You better stay back
Im telling you why
Santa Claus is wielding a gun
Hes making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who
Hes gonna ice
Santa Claus is wielding a gun
Dont give him any trouble
Hell blow you right away
Dont give him any cause to shoot
Or youll make his Christmas Day
Oh, you better believe
Hes packing a rod
No coal in your stocking
Just lead in your bod
Santa Claus is wielding a gun
He doesnt want cookies
Or none of that crud
He doesnt want milk
What he wants is your blood
Santa Claus is wielding a gun
(Music Bridge, with automatic arms fire)
He doesnt trust nobody
Shot all his reindeer dead
Thought Dancer was a sissy
And thought Rudoulph was a red
Oh, you better watch out
You better not pry
You better stay back
Im telling you why
Santa Claus is wielding a gun
17
May
A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.
Her story:
**********
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar last night, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didnt say anything much about it. The conversation was slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he is still acting a bit funny and I am trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know I am not really sure.
Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I dont know what the hell this means because you know he doesnt say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I am wondering if he is going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I am going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I dont know, I just dont know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think hes met someone else????
His story:
**********
Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got some action though.
17
May
Q:How do you know if a irishmen has been on his computer.
A:there is tipx on then screen.
17
May
ON A CHEMISTRY TEST at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill — and got full credit.
— Contributed to Tales Out of School by Joe Astorino © 1996 The Readers Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved.
17
May
Osborns Law: Variables wont, constants arent.
17
May
What Other Musical Instrument Does Bill Clinton Play besides the saxaphone?
The Hore-Monica!
17
May
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
17
May
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle, killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species.At court, he plead innocent to the charges against him claiming that if he didnt eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.The judge ruled in his favor.In the judges closing statement he asked the man, I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. What did it taste like?The man answered, Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!