Q: How many people at a London Vegans meeting does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: All thirty. Well, actually its only one, but he has to wait at least half an hour while the others read out all the announcements.
12
May
12
May
Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning, when he came to an apartment complex.
Sitting outside on the steps was a cute little girl with a big box.
As Bill jogged closer, he could see that the box was full of adorable puppies.
He went to the little girl and said Awww…those are the cutest puppies
The little girl said These arent puppies. I call them Democrats.
Bill thought this was really sweet and said Well, thats so sweet!
A few days later, Hillary was jogging with Bill when they came to the same building with the little girl outside.
The girl was still there with the box. Bill nudged Hillary and said Watch this.
He asked the little girl, What have you got there? Puppies?
The little girl shook her head and said No, not puppies, I call them Republicans.
Bill was shocked. He said But I thought you said they were Democrats???
The little girl said Well, they were…but now theyve got their eyes open!!
12
May
A farmers wife was at her lawyers getting advice about a divorce.
He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones.
How do you mean?
Well, Mr. Jones, says the farmers wife, this morning I was looking at the chickens, when he crept up behind me and had me from behind!
Chickens? Mrs. Smith, I didnt know you kept chickens.
We dont, Mr. Jones, we were at the Safeway supermarket!
12
May
Una viejecita vivìa sola con un loro antichavista, que pasaba todo el dìa gritando: Muera Chavez.
Un dÃa los cÃrculos bolivarianos que vivian en la misma vecindad fueron a hacerle un reclamo a la viejita para que callara al loro. Esta, preocupada habló con el loro:
Lorito,mijo, cállate la boca, deja de meterte con el gobierno que nos van a joder duro, cállate la boca. Pero el loro nada que le paraba bolas a la vieja, y seguÃa: Que muera Chávez.
La viejita fue a hablar con el cura del pueblo para explicarle la situación, a ver si podÃa ayudarla, y el cura le dijo: A ver, hija: Lo que podemos hacer es meterlo en la misma jaula de mi loro, que se sabe de memoria la Misa, el Santo Rosario y muchas otras oraciones, para ver si asà se le olvida el asunto y aprende a rezar. Asà fue…
Al cabo de 15 dias, la viejita preocupada, va de nuevo a visitar al cura a ver los resultados, y le pregunta: Padre, que pasó con el lorito? Entonces el cura la mira con suma preocupación y le dice:
Yo creo que la cosa se puso peor, hija mÃa, porque cuando tu loro dice Muera Chávez el mÃo responde Te lo pedimos, Señor…
12
May
Una señora decide darle una sorpresa a su marido y le espera en la cama a oscuras y con un tanga fosforescente minúsculo que apenas le tapa la raja.
Entra el marido en la habitación y se pone a gritar:
¡MarÃa, MarÃa, tienes una luciérnaga en el coño!
12
May
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
12
May
George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, Whats in the box kid?
The little boy says, Kittens, theyre brand new kittens.
George W. laughs and says, What kind of kittens are they?
Republicans, the child says.
Oh thats cute, George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, You gotta check this out and they both jog over to the boy with the box. George W. says, Look in the box Dick, isnt that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.
The boy replies, Theyre Democrats.
Whoa!, George W. says, I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. Whats up?
Well, the kid says, Their eyes are open now.
12
May
Ducharmes Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
12
May
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I dont do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesnt do it, hes too busy.
When I do it without being told, Im trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, thats brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, thats co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
12
May
The only culture many children are exposed to.