Three girls are stranded on an island. A black hair, a burnette and a blonde hair. The black haired one spots land a mile out. So they decided to take turns swimming there. The black swims 1/2 way and drowns. The brown swims 1/4 way and drowns. The blonde swims 3/4 way, decides shes tired, and swims back.
31
May
31
May
JIM BARLOW – Houston Chronicle (c) – Writes:
Really, no foolin, this stuff is weird.
Since this is April Fools Day, what better time for yet another installment of Weird Business News?
Yep, time for another look at the sometimes wacky world of commerce.
ABC Namebank, a New York City firm that helps businesses come up with suitably salable company names, took a look at popular nomenclature for firms on the World Wide Web.
The No. 1 Internet company name included the word web. There were 8,783 names such as Webtron,USWeb and Webtech. Next came link – 7,901 examples such as Linknet and Worldlink.
Other popular key naming words include: first, 5,384; net, 4,426; data, 3,335; view, 2,815 and media, 1,254.
So obviously my new Internet business will be named Firstview Datalink Mediaweb.
Our Worst Food Idea Award goes to Einstein Brothers Bagels, which for St. Patricks Day sold green bagels at its 225 stores. Heres my green bagel. Now pass me some of that black cream cheese.
Our Stop the Presses Award goes to Delta Dental Plan of Minnesota, which – after an extensive survey – reported that the going rate the Tooth Fairy is paying for a baby tooth is $1.40. That was up 9 percent over 1996, more than three times the rate of inflation.
31
May
First, I was going to tell you about the wooden car that I built, with a wooden engine, but it wooden go.
Then, I built it out of steel, but it steel wooden go.
Finally, I built it out of tin; now it tin go!
I even put Italian tires on it. Dago through rain, dago through mud, dago through snow.
But, when dago flat, dago Wop, Wop, Wop!
31
May
Womens version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! Thats so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasnt sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you dont think its too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, its perfect. Id love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. Im pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh – thats funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Mens version:
Man1: Haircut?
Man2: Yeah.
31
May
A.When he has a new car.
B.When he has a new wife.
31
May
A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world, she boasted. The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.
What a diamond!
How lucky you are!
Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel, said the diamonded lady, Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous Lipshitz curse!
The ladies buzzed and tsked, And whats the Lipshitz curse?
Lipshitz, sighed the lady.
30
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Jagger!
Jagger who!
Jaggerd edge!
30
May
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
30
May
This speaks a lot about the Japanese quality standards and also cultural misunderstandings.
Theyre still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.
30
May
Q: How many Buffalonians does it take to screw a in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get the new bulb out of the snowbank, and one to screw it in.