Old and New Jokes

Whats black and white, black and brown, and black and black? A nun on a spit!

Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised a guarenteed college education for anyone wanting one
President Bill Clinton: Proposing to spend $98 million–it will only cover 4,800 students in the freshman class at the University of Maryland

Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised 10% income surtax on millionaires
President Bill Clinton: Wants to impose the surtax on those with taxable incomes greater than $250,000

Candidate Bill Clinton: Would raise income taxes on families with incomes greater than $200,000
President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise income taxes on families with incomes greater than $30,000

Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed to be able to reduce the deficit by taxing rich, foreigners, and corporate polluters
President Bill Clinton: Said he cannot reduce the deficit without taxing the elderly, motorists, and farmers

Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised workers he would require their employers to pay for retraining
President Bill Clinton: Put that idea on hold

Random Access Memory – When you cant remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when wife asks about it

If Radio Shack ran Christmas…
The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.

Un lunes la maestra le dijo a sus estudiantes: Niños, para el viernes voy hacer una pregunta de geografía y el que la responda no viene a clase el próximo lunes.

Pepito, que era el más vago de todos, con tal de no ir el lunes estudió como loco toda la semana. El viernes la profesora escribió en el pizarrón: ¿Cuantos kilómetros hay entre Nueva York y el Cairo?

Nadie respondió correctamente.

Pepito estaba frustrado por todo lo que había estudiado. La próxima semana hago una pregunta de historia dijo la profesora.

Pepito no estudió nada y el jueves por la noche compró dos huevos y los pintó de negro. Al día siguiente, cuando la profesora se voltea a escribir la pregunta de historia, Pepito sacó los huevos negros y los lanzó contra el tablero.

Furiosa, la profesora grita: ¿Quién fue el rebelde de los huevos negros?

Pepito contesta: ¡Martin Luther King, profesora, y nos vemos el próximo martes!

a plane was flyin buy and one guy drops an apple and it hits a brunette guy and the guy on the plane lands where the brunette guy is and asks him why are you crying? and the brunette guy goes an apple hit me on my head then the second guy in the plane throwse a pumpkin down on a red head.. he lands where the red head is and asks why are you crying? and the red head goes a pumpkin hit me on my head and then the third guy throws a bomb down into a house with a blonde head he lands where a house is blown up. he asks the blonde head why he is laughing and the blonde head tells him i farted and the house blew up

Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde…yeah right…

1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above

2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly

3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory

4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above

5.Whats an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery

Dont read them this part:

Results:
1.
A=5pts.
B=3pts.
C=2pts.
D=1pt.

2.
A=4
B=5
C=2
D=3

3.
A=4
B=3
C=5
D=1

4.
A=3
B=5
C=4
D=1

5.
A=5
B=1
C=3
D=2

TOTAL:
20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his

arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, Hey Bob! Whacha get the

case of beer for? I got it for my wife, eh. answers Bob. Oh!

exclaims Doug, Good trade!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look
for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you three wishes.
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, Thank
you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition
to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband
will get times ten!
The woman said, Thats okay. For her first wish,
she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world.
The frog warned her, You do realize that this wish
will also make your husband the most handsome man
in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.
The woman replied, Thats okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes
only for me.
So shes the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.
The frog said, That will make your husband the
richest man in the world and he will be ten times
richer than you.
The woman said,Thats okay, because whats mine
is his and whats his is mine.
So, shes the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and
she answered, Id like a mild heart attack.