Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
09
Dec
09
Dec
No se tome la vida tan seriamente.
Igualmente no va a salir vivo de ella.
Amigos se ganan y se pierden.
Enemigos se acumulan.
Dime con quien andas y te diré si voy contigo.
Funcionarios públicos:
Nunca tantos hicieron tan poco en tan poco tiempo.
Cualquier idiota es capaz de pintar un cuadro, pero solamente un genio es capaz de venderlo.
Más valen dos abejas volando, que una en la mano.
¿Qué les dijo el instructor de la escuela de kami-kazes a los alumnos?
Presten atención porque sólo voy a hacerlo una vez.
Todo es relativo:
El tiempo que dura un minuto depende del lado de la puerta del baño que te encuentres.
El asterisco no es nada más que un punto final hippie.
Hasta un imbécil pasa por inteligente si se queda callado.
La abogacÃa es una manera legal de burlar a la justicia.
Jurado: grupo de personas cuya tarea es decidir quién tiene el mejor abogado.
Arqueólogo: alguien cuya carrera está en ruinas.
Cultura es lo que tendrÃa el carnicero, si fuese cirujano.
Robar ideas de una persona es plagio. Robar de varias es investigación.
Vive cada dÃa como si fuese el último.
Un dÃa vas a acertar.
No tengas miedo de la prueba de SIDA.
También tiene un lado positivo.
El lado bueno del trabajo en equipo es que si algo sale mal, siempre puedes culpar a otro.
¿No te ves horrible por la mañana?
Entonces, levántate al mediodÃa.
09
Dec
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
09
Dec
On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
09
Dec
Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.
09
Dec
It was time for Father Johns Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father Johns nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
Oh, sister, said the young nun dreamily. Ive been saved.
Saved? And how did that fine thing come about? asked the old nun Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.
Did he now? said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.
Is that a fact? said the old nun even more evenly.
At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.
That wicked old Devil! said the old nun. He told me it was Gabriels Horn, and Ive been blowing it for 40 years!
09
Dec
Whats the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?
Ones an African lion, and the others a lion African.
09
Dec
One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, Pastor there are some things in life that arent addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them.
The Pastor responded, There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about.
The woman responded, PMS is not in the Bible. So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.
The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.
The Pastor replied, Yes, its the part where Mary rides Josephs ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!.
08
Dec
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, Where are we?
The man yells back, About a half mile from town.
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, He must have been a lawyer.
The other says, A lawyer! How do you know that?
The first says, That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant.
08
Dec
A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniels. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybodys surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.
Easy, says the man.
Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window.
Wow, says the man at the bar.
I gotta try this.
He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.
Geez, Superman, says the bartender.
You can be a real a jerk when youre drunk.