Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking companys fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. Didnt you say, at the scene of the accident, Im fine? said the lawyer.Farmer Joe responded, Well Ill tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…. I didnt ask for any details, the lawyer interrupted, just answer the question.Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, Im fine!Farmer Joe said, Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….The lawyer interrupted again and said, Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joes answer and said to the lawyer, Id like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.I was hurting real bad and didnt want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked
Q: How many Jews does it take to run a humor mailing list?
A: One to tell a joke, and a few hundred to discuss it to boringness.
Here are some real U.S. laws that are just crazy! And some are still on the books!
In Ottumwa, Iowa, It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at thesame time.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars todogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man cant go outside while wearing a jacket andpants that do not match.
In St. Louis, its illegal to sit on the curb of any city streetand drink beer from a bucket.
In Hartford, Conn., you arent allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
In Baltimore, its illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. Its also illegal to take a lion to the movies.
In Oxford, Ohio, its illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a mans picture.
In Carrizozo, N.M., its forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).
In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel … however up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
In Michigan, a woman isnt allowed to cut her own hair without her husbands permission.
In Pennsylvania, any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
In Kentucky, No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.
An amendment to the above legislation The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses.
A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the counter is a young woman.
May I speak to the pharmacist? he asks. Well, she replies, I am the pharmacist.
He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a male problem.
She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular establishment.
He blushes and says, Well, I really do need help, so I guess Ill ask you… I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid of it. Its been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for it?
The woman looks thoughtful, and says, Hold on, Ill go in back and ask my sister.
After a couple of minutes she returns and says, Well give you half of the business and its profits, but thats all we can give you for it…
2 guys talking…
Man 1: My doctors a quack! My wife got treated for liver problems for
20 years, and then she dies from a heart attack!
Man 2: My doctors much better than that. If he treats you for liver
problems, you can bet your last 50 cents youre going to die
of liver problems.
Q: How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isnt defective.
A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to
put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.
Un oso y un conejo caminaban por el bosque, peleando y discutiendo, cuando de pronto encontraron una lámpara maravillosa. El genio les concedió tres deseos a cada uno.
El oso pidió primero: Yo quiero que todos los osos de este bosque sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo pidió: Yo quiero un casco de moto. Concedido.
El oso, extrañado con el deseo del conejo, continuó con su segundo deseo: Para estar seguro, deseo que los osos de todos los bosques vecinos sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo solicita su segundo deseo: Yo quiero una moto Harley Davidson. Concedido.
El oso, asombrado por los gustos del conejo, hace su tercer deseo: No quiero correr riesgos, quiero que todos los osos del mundo sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo arranca en su moto y cuando está a 100 metros grita su último deseo:
¡¡¡Que el oso sea puto!!!
Llega un tontilandés a una tienda y le pregunta al vendedor:
Señor, ¿en cuánto me vende ese televisor?
No le vendemos a tontilandeses, le responde el vendedor.
A la semana, vuelve vestido de mujer y pregunta por el televisor.
No le vendo a tontilandeses.
A la semana regresa disfrazado de rapero y de nuevo pregunta por el televisor.
No le vendo a tontilandeses.
Oiga señor, ¿usted como sabe que soy de Tontilandia?
¡Porque eso no es un televisor… ¡es un horno de microondas!