Old and New Jokes

666
The number of the Beast

664
The Neighbor of The beast

667
Across the street from the Beast

660
Estimated number of the Beast

666-66-6666
SSN of the Beast

666.0666
The number of the High-Performance Beast

0.666
Number of the milliBeast

1/666
The Denominator of the Beast

666[-/(-1)]
The Imaginary Number of the Beast

1010011010
The Binary Number of the Beast

29A
The Hexidecimal Number of the Beast

1-666
The Area Code of the Beast

60666
The Zip Code of the Beast (somewhere in Chicago)

1-900-666-6666
The Psychic Beast ($6.66 for 666 seconds – over 18, please)

$666.00
MSRP of the Beast

$726.66
The price, including sales tax, delivered

$10,666.95
Price, with leather, sun-roof, and radials

$566.69
The Wal-mart price of the Beast

Phillips 666
The gas the Beast runs best on

Route 666
The road the Beast likes best

666ºF
The temperature at which to roast Beast

666 k
Retirement plan of the Beast

666 mg
Minimum Daily Required dosage of Beast

6.66%
Annual Percentage Rate on a mortgage from First Beast Bank

DSM-666(r)
Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of the Beast (revised)

Lotus 6-6-6
Spreadsheet of the Beast

DOS 6.66
Operating system of the Beast

i68666
CPU of the Beast

666tii
BMW of the Beast

Q: Why do lawyers always wear neck ties?

A: To keep the foreskin from flopping up and hitting them in the face.

Drug Dealers
Software Developers

Refer to their clients as users.
Refer to their clients as users.

The first ones free!
Download a free trial version…

Have important Asian connections.
Have important Asian connections.

Strange jargon:

Stick
Rock
Wrap
E
Stash
Drive-by
Hit (LSD)
Source
The Pigs

Strange jargon:

SCSI
RTFM
Packet
C
Cache
CTRL ALT DEL
Hit (WWW)
Source-code
Microsoft

Realise that theres tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Realise that theres tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

Clients really like your stuff when it works. When it doesnt work they
want to kill you.
Clients really like your stuff when it works. When it doesnt work they
want to kill you.

Job is assisted by the industrys producing newer, more potent product.
Job is assisted by the industrys producing newer, more potent product.

Often seen in the company of pimps, hustlers and low-lifes.
Often seen in the company of marketing people, venture capitalists and
fund managers.

When things go wrong, a fix is just a phone call away, but may be
expensive.
When things go wrong, a fix is just a phone call away, but may be
expensive.

A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.
A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.

Product causes unhealthy addictions.
DOOM, Quake, SimCity, Duke Nukem 3D…

Do your job well and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on
you.
Damn! Damn!!!

Whats green and smells like pork?

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

Suzie: Dont bite any!

Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter: Hi, whats your name?

Paul: My name is Paul.

St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Paul: 120K.

St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?

Paul: I was a lawyer.

St. Peter: Thats great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name?

Roger: My name is Roger.

St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Roger: 60K.

St. Peter: Hey, thats great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?

Roger: I was an accountant.

St. Peter: Thats very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name?

John: My name is John.

St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?

John: About $23,000.

St. Peter: Hey, thats fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

Fellow 1: Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too.

Fellow 2: Wow, thats Incredible. How did he know all of that?

Fellow 1: The judge told him.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Germany!
Germany who!
Germany people knocking on your door?

Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is about to change.