You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
Q: How many alt.vampyres readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None! Yecch! We LOVE the dark, stupid!
An elderly woman went into the doctors office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, Id like to have some birth control pills.
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, Excuse me, Mrs. Santos, but youre 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?
The woman responded, They help me sleep better.
The doctor thought some more and continued, How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?
The woman said, I put them in my granddaughters orange juice and I sleep better at night.
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
Only a shilling to bury an attorney?, said the Justice, Heres a guinea, go and bury 20 of them.
Q: Why cant they have sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in Arkansas high schools?
A: Its too hard on the mule!
Q:why do gypsies walk funny?
A:cause theyve got crystal balls
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing?