Wherz-myroof
Mykamel-izded
Oshit-Disisbad
Waddi-El-Izgowinon
Pleez-Ztopdishit
Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
Ikantstan-Disnomore
Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
Myturbin-Izburnin
Imma-Dedshmuck
20
May
20
May
Q. How can you tell if theres a drummer at your door?
A. The knocking speeds up.
Q. How can you tell if theres a singer at your door?
A. They dont know when to come in.
20
May
I love it when commercials mention space-age technology. It doesnt seem to occur to many people that the space age has been going on for over 40 years now …
20
May
Did you hear?
The Energizer bunny has been arrested for Battery
20
May
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, Do you serve lawyers here? Sure do, replied the bartender. Good, said the man. Give me a beer, and Ill have a lawyer for my gator.
In a cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow – one person was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator —-It would be a good idea to just leave them there.
Legal Business Card: Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe Attorneys at Law
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. …Benjamin Franklin.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. Doctor, she asks nervously, can you get pregnant from anal intercourse? Certainly, replies the doctor, Where do you think lawyers come from?
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead dog lying on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why wont sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head?
A2: No.
20
May
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
19
May
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection
19
May
Its the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. Hes a pretty hip guy with his own car.
When he goes to the front door, the girls father answers and invites him in. Carries not ready yet. Why dont you have a seat?
Carries father asks Bobby what theyre planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Why dont you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby — so he asks Carries dad to repeat himself.
Yeah, says Carries father,
Carrie really likes to screw; shell screw all night if we let her!
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that shes ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, Dad, its called the twist!
19
May
Just in case some of you missed Parade magazine – supplement to the Sunday Paper I will relay a story about Ron Howard and his wife contained therein.
Seems that they named (middle name) each of their 4 children after the place they were conceived. Thus one of their middle names is Dallas.
The last one however is named after a street because they didnt think Volvo would be a good middle name.
19
May
Neville, Daniel and Rhonda are floating in a life boat after their ship had sunk in the Atlantic. Neville sits up and looks about. He sees an island on the horizon, but cant believe his eyes. After conferring w/ the other two, they decide that there is no such thing as group hallucination and paddle toward the island.
They have not been on the island long when it begins to rain. This is another miracle, and the three believe that God is w/ them.
The following day, early in the morning, Rhonda starts screaming and wakes the other two. Its a ship, its a ship! cries she.
The other two rise from their somnulescent posture and look. Sure enough, there is a ship on the horizon.
Were saved, were saved! cry they, and begin to dance around in circles. As the ship comes closer, Daniel peers to catch the name on the starboard side: The Titanic he reads out slowly.