Old and New Jokes

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender…

Brunette: Ill have a B and C. Bartender:What is a B and C?. Brunette: Bourbon and Coke.

Redhead: And, Ill have a G and T. Bartender: Whats a G and T? Redhead: Gin and tonic.

Blonde: Ill have a

15. Bartender: Whats a 15? Blonde: 7 and 7

T-shirt sighting – worn by woman, caption situated exactly over her left breast – Im a fermata – hold me.

An avid church goer and NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwickis race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display.

Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allisons car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it.

Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, Gods a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display.

Walking further, the individual came upon Jeff Gordons #24 Chevrolet – the phenomenal kid who is breaking every record on the racing circuit. At this sight, the new heaven dweller panicked!

Oh, No! St. Peter, Jeff Gordon was about to win the Championship this year, and you mean to tell me he has just died?!?

No, no, St. Peter chuckled, Thats Gods car. He lets Jeff use it on weekends.

You might be a redneck if…
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

Honk if Bill Clinton says youre rich!

three men walk into a bar you would think the last one would of seen it

You might be a redneck if your trucks roof is higher than your trailers.

Va Venancio por una calle oscura junto a su amigo Manolo. De repente salen tres hombres de la oscuridad.

Manolo sale corriendo y queda Venancio solo y desamparado, a la merced de los forajidos.

Cuando están por pegarle y dejarlo sin sus pertenencias, aparece un hombre a caballo vestido de negro, con antifaz negro, sombrero negro, capa negra, con una Z dibujada en la espalda, una Z dibujada en el sombrero, una Z en el pecho y una Z en la montura del caballo.

Baja les pega con su espada a los ladrones, los hiere, les dibuja una Z en las ropas a cada uno, y los pone en retirada.

Venancio, agradecido, se tira a sus pies y le dice:

¡Gracias ZUPERMAN!

Iba un estadounidense con un tontilandés en un barco, cuando de repente el gringo se cae al agua y comienza a gritar:

¡Help! ¡Help!

Y el tontilandés responde:

A joder, gel no tengo pero si quieres te puedo dar spray.