Here are the latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the late 90s office environment.
Assmosis – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
Blamestorming – Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.
Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming up stream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Chainsaw Consultant – An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM – Career Limiting Move – Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted – To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. Ive been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.
Flight Risk – Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 – Someone whos clueless. From the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested documentation could not be located. Dont bother asking him…hes 404, man.
Generica – Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions, as in We were so lost in generica, I forgot what city we were in.
Ohnosecond – That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that youve made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Umfriend – A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in This is Sue, my … um … friend.
Three Englishmen were touring the countryside in a convertible sports car. The engine was noisy, the top was down and the wind was blowing in their ears.
As they passed through a small town, one said, I say, isnt this Wembley?
Another one said, No, its Thursday.
So am I, said the third one, lets stop and have a pint of ale.
Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.s?
A. Drool.
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, Youre crazy! Youll never be able to outrun that bear!
I dont have to, the first lawyer replied. I only have to outrun you.
You might be a redneck if… You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Im Jewish, you pay me, I dont pay you.
Q: What is the most seldom heard comment made of banjo players?
A: Say, isnt that the banjo players Porsche?
Un individuo está vendiendo pericos en un semáforo. Llega un tipo en su camioneta del año y le pregunta:
Oye, ¿cuánto valen los pericos?
Éste vale 10 mil pesos, mostrándole el primer perico.
Pues, ¿qué hace?, pregunta asombrado el parroquiano.
Habla inglés, francés, italiano y sabe contestar el teléfono.
Y ese otro, ¿cuánto cuesta?
Éste vale 20 mil pesos.
Y éste, ¿qué hace?, pregunta, aún más asombrado, el comprador.
Habla inglés, francés, italiano, portugués; contesta el teléfono; baja canciones de Internet y, además, se viste solo.
¡Ya me imagino que el otro ha de valer más! ¿Verdad?
En efecto, señor, éste vale 30 mil pesos.
¿Y qué hace?
No hace nada, pero éstos dos le dicen jefe.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
~ Downsizing is good, right? Then lets fire Uncle Sam!
~ Put politicians in their place – Landfills!
~ We will never have great leaders as long as we mistake
education for intelligence, ambition for ability, and
a winning smile for integrity!
~ Only lawyers get to be judges, and thats the (F)LAW!