Le pregunta un argentino a un extranjero que visita su paÃs:
Che, ¿sabés cual es el paÃs más cercano al cielo?
Argentina me supongo…, respode el otro, enfadado.
No che, no… es Uruguay, que está al lado de Argentina.
29
May
29
May
Representantes de Kentucky Fried Chicken se reúnen para negociar con el Papa; le proponen pagarle $1000,000 por cambiarle al padrenuestro una simple palabra: en lugar de decir el pan nuestro de cada dÃa, decir el pollo nuestro de cada dÃa. Pero el Sumo PontÃfice no accede.
Yo no puedo cambiar las palabras del padrenuestro. Es pecado.
Entonces, los negociantes prometen pagarle $10000,000 en efectivo y un 10% de las ganancias de las ventas. En ese momento, el Santo Padre se queda pensando y saca su teléfono celular del bolsillo y llama al 1-800-CIELO, y pregunta:
¿Se encuentra el Jefe?
No, habla con San Pedro, ¿qué se le ofrece?
San Pedro, ¿usted podrÃa decirme cuándo termina el contrato con las panaderÃas?
29
May
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
For fainting: rub the persons chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
29
May
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
29
May
A regular at Bobs Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
Whoa, Sam! said the bartender. Who gave those beauties to you?
Nobody gave them to me, said Sam. I had to fight like crazy for both of them.
29
May
All men are Idiots, and I married their King!
29
May
The best blanket is one with two legs.
29
May
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
29
May
Two fraternity brothers headed towards Philadelphia. They were zipping along the highway at some eighty or ninety miles an hour, when a policeman appeared from nowhere and forced them over to the side of the road.
Whats the matter, officer? they asked. Were we driving too fast?
No, he answered sarcastically. You were flying too low.
29
May
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate: This fire help. Me Groog Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work. You have flint and stone? Ugh You hit them together? Ugh What happen? Fire not work (sigh) Make spark? No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday. *sigh* You change rock? I change nothing You sure? Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldnt keep Lorto from make fire, right?