A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, Come here quick, Charlie! Im paralyzed! I cant get up!
He comes in, takes a look, and says, Stand up, you silly old bat. Youre kneeling on one of your tits.
Jaimito se levanta por la noche, a las 3, para beber agua.
Al pasar por la puerta de sus padres, ve que está abierta y se asoma porque oye ruidos. Cuando observa lo que están haciendo sus padres, dice:
!HAY QUE JODERSE!… ¡¡¡Y a mà me llevan al psicólogo porque me chupo el dedo!!!
Un tipo recorrÃa la carretera en su vehÃculo y de repente, a la orilla ve a un cerdito con una patita de palo. Asombrado, detuvo la marcha y se dijo, No lo puedo creer…
Se bajó del auto y se dirigió a un ranchito que estaba frente al animal, y le preguntó a un
campesino:
Disculpe la pregunta, buen hombre, ¿este cerdito es suyo?
Claro, ¿por qué?
Oiga, ¿le sucedió algo para que tenga una patita de palo?
Ahh… sÃ. Lo que sucede es que una de mis hijas, se encariñó mucho con él, y por eso nos lo estamos comiendo poquito a poco…
Llega un gangoso a una carnicerÃa:
Ghuenhos dhias.
Buen dÃa señor, ¿qué se le ofrece?
Hun khilhlo dhe mahujhanho.
¿Uh?
Unkhilho dhe mahujhanho.
No le entiendo señor.
hun khilho dhe mahujhanho pha dharlhe ha hun pherhfhorhd.
Disculpe pero no le puedo vender nada si no le entiendo.
Se marcha el gangoso, pero el carnicero decide contratar a un gangoso para poder vender a ese tipo de gente. Regresa el gangoso a los dos dÃas.
Ghuenhos dhias.
Buen dÃa, permÃtame.
Le habla al colega.
Bhuenhos dhias.
¡bhuenhos dhias!
Mhe dha hun khilhlo dhe mahujhano.
Mmm nho hay.
Ghazhias. (se va)
¡Ah! ¡cabron!, ¿le entendiste?
Sghi.
¿Y qué querÃa?
¡Hun khilho dhe mahujhanho!
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, Im tired, and its getting late. I think Ill go to bed.
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next days lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails.
Hubby called, I thought you were going to bed.
Im on my way, she said.
She put some water into the dogs dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow. About that time, the hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular Im going to bed, and he did.
Hold on to your nuts, this aint gonna be your typical blow job.
Just remember kiddo, shit makes a garden grow.
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember
that all men are brothers… and just give them a noogie or an Indian
burn.
You might be a redneck if…
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, lets go screw.
Just call me milk, Ill do your body good.
Your bodys name must be visa, because its everywhere I want to be.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but Im the only one talking to you.
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going …
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, Id be coming too.
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, Ill be your Burger King, you treat me right, and Ill do it your way right away.
Id like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to tinker around with.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby youre the Bomb -diggity.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous.
Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
Im a bird watcher and Im looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and Ill slam you all night long.
If youre going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Oh, Im sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
Guy Would you like to dance?
Girl I dont care for this song and surely wouldnt dance with you.
Guy Im sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants
Excuse me, do you have your phone number, Ive seem to have lost mine.
I look good on you.
Im new in town, could I have directions to your house.