Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
11
Jun
11
Jun
Your mom is so fat, that I knew her all my life, and I still havent seen all of her!
11
Jun
Two people go hunting.One shoots a bow arrow in a deer.He says,Sit down and wait here and dont make a sound.So he leaves. The other man does not make a sound. So the other man findsthe deer but then he hears a scream. He runs to the man sitting down. he says Why did you scream? The other man says I did not scream when a snake bit me butI did scream when two chipmanks ran up my pantlag and saidShould we eat them here or take them home.
11
Jun
A theory is better than its explanation.
11
Jun
Your momma so fat, when she goes to the aquarium the whales sing WE ARE FAMILY.
11
Jun
Q: What are the 70 things women love most?
A: 69 and shopping!
11
Jun
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestlers trainer comes to him and says, Now dont forget all the research weve done on this Russian. Hes never lost a match because of this pretzel hold he has. Whatever you do, dont let him get you in this hold! If he does, youre finished!
The wrestler nods in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He cant watch the ending.
Suddenly theres a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russians back hits the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapses on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer is astounded! When he finally gets the American wrestler alone, he asks, How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before! The wrestler answers, Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.
Youd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!
11
Jun
(in case you didnt know, twister is a movie about a bunch of storm-chasers who do research on tornados.)
Totally Gone With The Wind
Lift and Separate
Boys on the Side – Of My Barn
Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldnt Fit in the Plot
The Weather Channel: The Movie
Schindlers Twist
Field of Debris
Dead Man Flying
I, Cumulus
One House Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest
The Splintered Bridges of Madison County
Wizard of Oz II: The Search For Toto
Killer Genuine Draft
Four Weddings & A Funnel
Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom
A Funnel Thing Happened On The Way To The Farm
and the Number 1 Rejected Title for the Movie Twister:
Roofless in Seattle
11
Jun
Yesterday in American Public Policy 1946-present, professor Gillon was
talking about American liberals and their faith in the Kennedy clan.
He said that:
In 1964, Liberals thought If only Jack had lived . . .
In 1968, Liberals thought If only Ed had lived . . .
In 1969, they thought If only Ted could drive . . .
-Heard from Professor Steve Gillon
10
Jun
Q: Why arent Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.