Old and New Jokes

En una clase de Ciencias, la profesora explica la lección:

Hoy vamos a hablar de las hienas: Son animales que viven en el centro de África, se alimentan de carne en estado de putrefacción, realizan el acto sexual una vez al año y el rugido que emiten es parecido a la sonrisa humana.

Al día siguiente, la profesora le pregunta al pelota de la clase la lección:

Pedro, dime la lección.

Bueno, las hienas son animales que viven en el centro de África, se alimentan de carne en estado de putrefacción, realizan el acto sexual una vez al año y el rugido que emiten es parecido a la sonrisa humana.

Muy bien Pedro; tienes un 10.

Seguido le pregunta al pasti de la clase:

Miguel, dime la lección.

Las hienas…. son bichos que viven en medio de África, comen carne podrida, chingan una vez al año y cuando rugen parece que se ríen.

Bueno Miguel, podrías haberla dicho mejor pero tienes un 5.

Por último le pregunta a Jaimito:

Jaimito, dime la lección.

Las hienas…, las hienas… ¡¡¡son animales que para vivir donde viven, comer la mierda que comen y lo poco que chingan, no se de que coño se ríen!!!

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

Well, says the old fellow, I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves.

The policeman looks at the old man and says, You shouldnt be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!

So the old man says, I know! Im crying because I dont remember where I live!

Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A:They both wiggle when you eat them!

History does not repeat itself, — historians merely repeat each other.

If you messed up your life, you could press Ctrl, Alt, Delete and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on run! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit any key to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

Help with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldnt be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on SEND NOW and a Pizza would be on its way to you.

You dont know?

So youre the one!

What does a three-pin plug have in common with the England football (soccer) team?Theyre both completely useless in Europe!

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and heres how…An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.As smart as bait.Chimneys clogged.Doesnt have all his dogs on one leash.Doesnt know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.Elevator doesnt go all the way to the top floor.Forgot to pay his brain bill.Her sewing machines out of thread.His antenna doesnt pick up all the channels.His belt doesnt go through all the loops.If he had another brain, it would be lonely.Missing a few buttons on his remote control.No grain in the silo.Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.Receiver is off the hook.He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.Several nuts short of a full pouch.Skylight leaks a little.Slinkys kinked.Surfing in Nebraska.Too much yardage between the goal posts.A few clowns short of a circus.A few fries short of a Happy Meal.An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.A few beers short of a six-pack.Dumber than a box of hair.A few peas short of a casserole.Doesnt have all his corn flakes in one box.The wheels spinning, but the hamsters dead.One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.One taco short of a combination plate.A few feathers short of a whole duck.All foam, no beer.The cheese slid off his cracker.Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.Couldnt pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.The lights are on, but nobodys home.24 cents short of a quarter.A few bricks shy of a full load.

Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred – One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

Its for my husband, she tells the clerk.



Did he tell you what gauge to get? asked the clerk.



Are you kidding? she says. He doesnt even know that Im going to shoot him!