…the ceremony was OK, but the reception was fabulous
18
May
18
May
Sung to the tune of American Pie
A long, long week ago
I can still remember how the market used to make me smile
What Id do when I had the chance
Is get myself a cash advance
And add another tech stock to the pile.
But Alan Greenspan made me shiver
With every speech that he delivered
Bad news on the rate front
Still Id take one more punt
I cant remember if I cried
When I heard about the CPI
I lost my fortune and my pride
The day that NASDAQ died
So bye-bye to my piece of the pie
Now Im gettin calls for margin
Cause my cash accounts dry
Its just two weeks from a new all-time high
And now were right back where we were in July
Were right back where we were in July
Did you buy stocks you never heard of?
QCOM at 150 or above?
Cos George Gilder told you so
Now do you believe in Home Depot?
Can Wal-Mart save your portfolio?
And can you teach me whats a P/E ratio?
Well, I know that you were leveraged too
So you cant just take a long-term view
Your broker shut you down
No more margin could be found
I never worried on the whole way up
Buying dot coms from the back of a pickup truck
But Friday I ran out of luck
It was the day the NAAAASDAQ died
I started singin
Bye-bye to my piece of the pie
Now Im gettin calls for margin
Cause my cash accounts dry
Its just two weeks from a new all-time high
And now were right back where we were in July
Yeah were right back where we were in July
17
May
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price! The shopkeeper said, By all means, be my guest. Maybe youll luck out and catch yourself a big one! Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, Damn it, this one isnt wearing any shoes either!
17
May
Puede estar caÃda o funcionando. Siempre es más divertida cuando está funcionando, pero también se hace difÃcil terminar cualquier otro trabajo.
En el pasado distante era utilizada con el único propósito de transmitir información vital para supervivencia de la especie. Hay gente que piensa que debe usarse sólo para eso, pero la mayorÃa de la gente la usa para divertirse la mayorÃa del tiempo.
Es un instrumento ameno para interactuar con otras personas.
Si no se toman las medidas necesarias es probable que puedan transmitir uno que otro virus.
Una vez empiezas a jugar con ella, no puedes parar.
Siempre cuesta dinero conectarte con ella.
Algunos la usan, otros no.
Algunas personas estarán devastadas si algún dÃa se las llegan a quitar.
Es una forma de matar tiempo, cuando no tienes nada que hacer.
Es Plug & Play.
17
May
Whats Monica Lewinskys favorite place in Washingto D.C.?
Under the beltway.
17
May
Yo mama so hairy a blind man mistook her for his seeing eye dog.
17
May
Heres a little clarification of corporate lingo.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: Youll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: Youre walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: Youll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.
IM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:Ive used Microsoft Office.
IM HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you dont ask me about all the McJobs Ive had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
IM PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
IM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE: Ive changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: Im never at my desk.
IM HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, Im outta there.
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON: Like, Im gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
17
May
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who
cannot.
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say
that on the average he feels fine.
Ya hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a
tangent?
A topologist is a man who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and a
doughnut?
97.3% of all statistics are made up.
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but he was always
right!
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions!
Q & A
Q. Did you hear about the statistition?
A. Probably…!
Q. Whats yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of choice?
A. Zorns Lemon!
Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two
as determined by the right hand rule!
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A. You cant do that, a mountain climber is a scalar!
Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?
A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)
Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE!
Q. Whats purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape!
Q. What does a mathematician do when hes constipated?
A. He works it out with a pencil!
Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function,
the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A. Thats the Law of Spline Demand!
Q. Whats nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A. Mobius Dick!
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier
riddle.
17
May
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 — thats all the sailors I could screw in one night.â€
17
May
A woman with 14 children, ages one through fourteen, decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.
When did he desert you?, the judge asked.
Thirteen years ago, she replied.
If he left 13 years ago, where did all the children come from?
Well, said the woman, he kept coming back to say he was sorry!