25
Apr

Twas The Night Before Finals


Twas the night before finals,

And all through the college,

The students were praying

For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,

But none touched their beds,

While visions of essays

danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,

A few were still drinking,

And hoping that liquor

would loosen up their thinking.

In my own apartment,

I had been pacing,

And dreading exams

I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,

His nose in his books,

And my comments to him

Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,

And brewed a new pot,

No longer caring

That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,

But my thoughts were muddy,

My eyes went ablur,

I just couldnt study.

Some pizza might help,

I said with a shiver,

But each place I called

Refused to deliver.

Id nearly concluded

That life was too cruel,

With futures depending

On grades had in school.

When all of a sudden,

Our door opened wide,

And Patron Saint Put It Off

Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,

His manner was mellow,

He started to bellow:

What kind of student

Would make such a fuss,

To toss back at teachers

What they tossed at us?

On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!

On Last Years Exams!

On Wingit and Slingit,

And Last Minute Crams!

His message delivered,

He vanished from sight,

But we heard him laughing

Outside in the night.

Your teachers have pegged you,

So just do your best.

Happy Finals to All,

And to All, a good test.

23
Apr

Estn dos enamorados bailando bien

Están dos enamorados bailando bien pegados. El novio le dice a la novia:

María, cada vez que bailo contigo bien pegado siento que el corazón se me sale.

Y le contesta la novia:

¡Ay, Pedro, tú si que tienes el corazón bien abajo!

23
Apr

Estaban platicando dos maquinistas, que

Estaban platicando dos maquinistas, que por su trabajo se ausentaban varios días de su casa, decia uno:

Cuando llego a mi casa, le envío un telegrama a mi esposa, al pasar por el frente toco el silbato del tren y siempre me recibe cariñosa y sonriente como una esposa fiel.

El otro le comenta:

Yo, por el contrario, nunca le aviso cuando llegaré, tres kilometros antes de que el tren pase frente a mi casa apago las máquinas para llegar sin hacer ruido; llego a la puerta frontal de mi casa y la golpeo gritando ya llegue vieja. En seguida corro hacia la puerta trasera donde tengo un bat de beisbol. Hasta la fecha no se me ha escapado ningun hijo de la chingada.

23
Apr

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. Do you serve lawyers in here?, the man inquires.



Sure do!, replied the bartender.



Great!, the man said. Ill have a Coors Light, and how bout a lawyer for my gator.

23
Apr

An old occupation

What happens when people of different occupations get old.

– Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

– Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

– Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

– Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

23
Apr

One Dollar

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?

A: All you can eat, under a buck.

23
Apr

Things are more like they

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

23
Apr

Current Charges

Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send their bill commanding Please Pay Current Charges?

23
Apr

Quick Conquer Of Poland

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?

A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving!

23
Apr

Tampons for kids

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?

The nine year old replies Nope, not for my mom.

Casher: Well they must be for your sister then?

Nine year old: Nope, not for my sister either.

Cashier, curious now: Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?

The nine year old says Theyre for my four year old little brother.

The cashier is surprised: Your four year old little brother?

The nine year old explains: Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother cant do either of them!