Entra un pequeño gnomo en un farmacia y dice:
Por favor, ¿podrÃa darme una cajita de preservativos?
Y el farmacéutico le pregunta:
¿Control?
Y responde el gnomo, horrorizado:
¡Nooooo! ¡Sin Troll, sin Troll!
07
Dec
07
Dec
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Iona!
Iona who?
Iona a great train set!
07
Dec
07
Dec
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a big gut, and still think they are beautiful.
07
Dec
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the new clerk: Whats with the guy over there by the wall?
The new clerk responds: Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldnt find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: You idiot! You cant treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!
The new clerk calmly responds: Of course you can! Look at him, hes afraid to cough.
07
Dec
Last autumn, a group of friends went deer hunting and decided to paired off in twos for the day. That evening one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.
Where is Edward? the other hunters asked.
Eds hunting partner, Brian, replied, Edward had a stroke of some kind. Hes a couple of miles back up the trail.
The other hunters gasped and one guy asked, You left Edward laying out there and carried the deer back?
It was a tough call, nodded the hunter. But I figured that nobody would steal Edward.
07
Dec
Three paratroopers, a Jew, an American, and a Pollack are to throw a hand gernade from the plane, then jump.
The Jew goes first – This is for my country and he throws the gernade out and jumps. He lands and sees a little boy crying and asks whats the matter? The boys says my dog just blew up!
The American tosses the gernade, jumps and when he lands he sees a little girl crying. She tells him, my cat just blew up!
The Pollack tosses, jumps and lands. He sees this Redneck laughing his head off. What so funny, asks the Pollock?
The Redneck replies – I just farted and my house blew up!
07
Dec
Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing Wild Blue Yonder, and then jump off!
YES SIR! replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. Now thats bravery! exclaims the general.
Ah, thats nothing, says the Admiral, Seaman! A seaman appears, YES, SIR!! Take this weapon, as he offers him an M14, Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing Anchors Aweigh. Salute each of us, and jump off.
YES SIR!! replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly.
Now thats courage! says the admiral.
Courage, nothin snorts the Army general. Get over here, private!
YES SIR!! replies the private.
Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first.
YES SIR!! replies the private, and completes the task.
Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!
They all look to the Marine. Private, he says.
YES SIR!!
Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing The Halls of Montezuma, put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst.
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, FUCK YOU SIR!!
The general turns to the others and says, Now THATS bravery!
06
Dec
Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
06
Dec
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: You can turn off a chainsaw.