Old and New Jokes

God one day decided he ought to check in with Adam to see how things were
going.

Adam….How are things going?

Adam replies that he considers himself quite fortunate to be living in such
a beautiful and peaceful place but he did have a couple of questions to ask,
if the Lord didnt mind, of course.

No problem, said the Lord, Ask away

Well Lord, I was wondering why you made Eve so beautiful? Not that Im
complaining, mind you.

Adam, I made Eve so beautiful so that you would like her.

Oh, well yes, I do like her very much. Thank you Lord. You made her so
beautiful, but why is it then that you made her so stupid?

Well Adam, I had to make sure she liked you too!

(This has been kicking around for so long that I have absolutely no idea
of its origin.)

Documentation Sex Quiz

1. What are the fallopian tubes?
a. Bicycle tires
b. A subway in Italy
c. All of the above

2. What is a urethra?
a. A female black singer
b. The opposite of myrethra
c. Something you hang on your door for Chrithmeth

3. What is an ovary?
a. A book written by Flaubert
b. A passing grade at school
c. A famous WWII song

4. What is fellatio?
a. A person who collects stamps
b. Mr. Hornblowers first name
c. A non-dairy whipped topping popular in Italy

5. What is a testicle?
a. A test to see if youre ticklish
b. One of the two parts of the Bible
c. An octopus arm

6. What is cunnilingus?
a. A form of pasta
b. The language of love
c. An Irish airline

7. What is a gonad?
a. A cheer for NAD high school
b. A person who wanders from place to place
c. A Moody Blues song

8. What is a vulva?
a. A Swedish car
b. The punching bag in your throat
c. An engine part

9. What is a seminal vesicle?
a. An Indian boat
b. A priests retreat
c. A discussion on the subject of veins and arteries

12. What is a penis?
a. A salty snack you have with beer
b. A Charles Shultz comic strip
c. Liberace

Boner Question: What is an Anus?
a. Part of a famous black comedy team
b. A planet–home of Superman
c. A herbaceous plant

Hed move all the furniture.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

An Irishman was dying and his wife was at his bedside.

She says: Pat, youve been a wonderful husband all these years. Is there anything at all that I can do for you before you go.

Pat says: No Mary, nothing at all.

Mary says: Now Pat, isnt there a thing I can do for you.

Pat says: Mary, The priests been here, Ive been shriven. Theres nothing more to do.

Mary persists: Pat, tis forty and more years youve taken such good care of me and the kids. There has to be one more thing I can do for you before you die.

Pat says: Well Mary, is that one of your famous apple pies I smell baking in the oven?

She says: Yes it is, Pat.

He says: Well, if I could have one more piece of your famous apple pie before I go.

She says: The hell with you. Thats for the wake.

Is there only one part of the body that has no blood supply? I think it depends on the person, for example:

For a Republican, its the brain
For some Democrats, its everywhere except way down there
For an IRS agent, well, they kinda suck all your blood anyway and they have no heart …
Post Office – If you look at how fast they move, the entire body.
John Bobbit – Well, you know the answer to this one

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, That was a karate chop from Korea.

The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,That was a karate chop from China.

The little guy got up and decided he wasnt going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and hes on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Collier!
Collier who?
Collier big brother see if I care!

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.

Q: Whats the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesnt carry a briefcase.