Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rona!
Rona who?
Rona the mill!
12
Apr
12
Apr
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
12
Apr
Whats the mexican word for Rodney King?
– Pinata
12
Apr
They say an elephant never forgets, but whats he got to remember?
12
Apr
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
12
Apr
Walkin Round in Womens Underwear
(to be sung to Walkin in a Winter Wonderland)
Lacy things – the wife is missin,
Didnt ask – her permission,
Im wearin her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin round in womens underwear.
In the store – theres a teddy,
Little straps – like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin round in womens underwear.
In the office theres a guy named Marvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
Hell say, Are you ready? Ill say, Whoa, Man!
Lets wait until our wives are out of town!
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress – like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin round in womens underwear!
12
Apr
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all tried out for the same job as road
stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job.
At the end of the first day the red head had painted 3 miles, the brunette had
painted 2.5 miles, and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so exited
he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.
The next day the red head painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles, and the
blonde 4 miles. The boss told the blonde not to worry, you still have a good
lead.
So, on the third day the red head had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles, and
the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde,
What went wrong, you were doing so good?
She said, Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away.
12
Apr
The head nun at the convent says, I found a pair of mens underwear under my desk!
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes Heh, heh, heh…
She says, And I found a used condom on my desk!
Twenty nuns gasp, but one nun goes Heh, heh, heh…
She says, And there was a huge tear in the condom!
One nun gasps, but twenty nuns go, Heh, heh, heh.
12
Apr
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire
department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire departments work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.That should be obvious, he responded, the first thing were
gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck!
12
Apr
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriend Plus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiance 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiance 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and its a memory hogger: has taken up all his space.
Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything and seems to conflict/interfere with other tasks running such as hockey 2.1, squash 3.01 and boys out 1.2. Although he didnt ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with auto-installed Plug-Ins such as Mother In Law and Brother In Law.
Some features Id like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4.0…
– A Dont remind me again button
– Minimize button
– Shutdown feature
– An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you dont lose cache and other objects)
– Abort button (O.K. that ones pretty bad – but had to say it)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didnt have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks–in all versions of Girlfriend that Ive used is that it is totally object orientated and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources. Wife 1.0 will then spawn off the virus Lawyer 6.66 which, when activated, consumes all available resources and brings your system to its knees. The funny thing is, if you try to hide Mistress 1.1 in high memory, Wife 1.0 will eventually detect it and begin the process described above.